A man is walking along a beach and finds a bottle. When he rubs the bottle, a genie appears and says,
"I can grant you one wish."
"Well," says the man, "I have never been too fond of flying, so could you make a highway from California to Hawaii?" The genie says,
"Do you know how much of my power that would take?" The man says,
"Okay, I have never really gotten girls, so could you make that happen?" The genie says,
"You want that highway two lane or four lane?"
A man is standing at a urinаl when he notices that he's being watched by a мidgет. The мidgет drags a small stepladder over, and climbs up to admire the man's private parts close up. "Wow," comments the мidgет, "those are the nicest ваlls I have ever seen!" Freaked out, but flattered, the man thanks the мidgет and starts to move away. "I know this is a strange request," says the little guy, "but would you mind if I touched them?" Again, the man is taken aback, but seeing no real harm in it, consents. The мidgет reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's ваlls, and says loudly, "Okay, hand over your wallet or I'll jump."
A man walked into a bar and heard, "Great tie!" He looked around and seeing no one, he heard again, "Beautiful suit!" Wondering what was going on, he saw the bartender walk up and said,
"I heard a voice talking about my suit and tie, and that they looked cool, but no one's around. Dude, what's up?" The bartender smiled, "Oh yeah, those are the peanuts. They're complimentary!"
A man walks into a bar and sees a pianist, who is only one foot tall, playing the piano. He talks to the bartender and says,
"That's amazing! Where did you find a 12 inch pianist?" The bartender replies,
"Oh, I have a genie in the back room who grants wishes. Give it a try if you want." The man goes to the genie and says,
"Oh genie, I wish I had a 100 million bucks." The genie nods his head and a few seconds later there's a рuff of smoke and 100 million ducks fly over the man's head. The man goes back to the bartender and complains, "I wished for 100 million bucks, not 100 million ducks!" And the bartender says,
"Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"
A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says,
"That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies,
"All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious - Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything."
"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome."
"Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies,
"It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"