Jokes about Police Officers
An italian man who doesnt know english comes to england and:
At the hotel he learns, "me,me,me!"
At the restaurant he learns, "knives and forks, knives and forks!"
At the museum he learns, "oh, how fascinating!"
And at the farm he learns, "a little fат piggy"
Then there was a dead woman on the road, the police was there and asked,
"Who killed her?"
Man answers, "me,me,me!"
Police,"what did you кill her with?"
Man,"knives and forks, knives and forks!"
Police,"you're going to prison!"
Man,"oh, how fascinating!"
Police,"who do you think you are?"
Man, "a little fат piggy"
A fellow decided to take a bicycle ride from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He rode the first hour or so, and then got very tired, as the ride is mostly uphill. So he decided to hitchhike. For about a half an hour no one came, then a corvette stopped and offered a ride. The biker looked at the car and said I can fit in the car, but what about my bike? The driver said no problem, I have a rope in the trunk and I will tie one end on the bumper and the other end on the bike and I will pull you. I will go kind of slow and if I get going too fast just honk your horn and I will slow down.
So they took off and every thing was fine until another corvette just flew past them. Not to be out done, the driver stepped on the gas to catch him. Well, they drove through a speed trap. The first police officer radioed the second and said, “You have two corvettes coming at you doing about 120 MPH, and you won’t believe this, but there is a guy on a bicycle behind them honking to pass.”
One night, while on foot patrol, a Police officer approached a local bar. Through the door stumbled a drunк who promptly fell on his backside. He lay on the ground with his eyes closed. Upon opening his eyes, he sees the Officer looking down at him.
He says,"Osifer, did you see me fall!"
The Officer says,"Yeah, I did."
The drunк asks, “Do you know who I am?"
"Nope." Comes the reply.
"Well,” says the drunк, “Then how do you know it was me that fell?"
After getting all of The Pope’s luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn’t travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.
“Excuse me, Your Holiness,” says the driver, “Would you please take your seat so we can leave?”
“Well, to tell you the truth,” says the Pope, “they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I’d really like to drive today.”
“I’m sorry but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! And what if something should happen?” continues the driver, wishing he’d never gone to work that morning.
“There might be something extra in it for you,” says the Pope.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.
“Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!” pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
“Oh, dear God, I’m going to lose my licence,” moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the Police approach, but the policeman takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and get on the radio.
“I need to talk to the Chief Inspector,” he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief Inspector gets on the radio and the policeman tells him that he’s stopped a limo going a hundred and five.
“So arrest him,” says the Chief. “I don’t think we want to do that, he’s really important,” said the PC.
The Chief exclaimed,” All the more reason!”
“No, I mean really important,” said the PC.
The Chief then asked, “Who’ve you got there, the Mayor?”
Pc:
“Вiggеr.”
Chief:
“Mp?”
Pc:
“Вiggеr.”
“Well,” said the Chief, “Who is it?”
Pc:
“I think it must be God!”
Chief:
“What makes you think it’s God?
Pc:
“He’s got the Pope as a chauffeur!!”