Jokes about Police Officers
A man was going to bed one night when his wife told him that he had left the light on in the shed.
She could see the light was on from the bedroom window.
As the man looked for himself he saw that there were people in the shed taking things.
The man phoned the police, but they told him that no one was in the area to help him at that time, but they would send someone over as soon as they were available.
He said "OK," hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back.
"Hello" he said, "I just called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed.
Well, you don't have to worry about them now 'cause I've shot them."
Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit, the works.
Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the officers said:
"I thought you said that you shot Them!" The man replied, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
A police officer pulls over a speeding car.
The officer says, " I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir ."
The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. "
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says:
"Now don"t be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn"t have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you"re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn"t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you"re driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON"T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma"am?"
"Only when he"s been drinking, officer."
At a poor-side of Athens, a kid were on the street and was playing.
A cop who was crossing around that street, saw him and asked him:
"What are you doing there kiddo?"
"I’m playing..."
"What are you playing?"
"Oh, well... I collect sand, I pour some water in and I add then some роор and I’m making little weaklings!"
"What kind of weaklings?"
"Cops..."
The cop, furious, slaps the kid and screams:
"Get the hеll away from here and run to your house! I never wanna see you wondering around here."
For the next two days, the kid didn’t show up.
The third day, the kid was on the same spot, playing.
The cop, saw him again and approached the kid.
"What are you doing there?"
"I’m playing..."
"What?"
"Oh, well... I collect sand, then pour some water in and I’m making little weaklings."
"Congratulations! enthusiastic said the cop. And what kind of weaklings you’re making there?"
"Firefighters...!"
"So, how come you’re not putting any роор on them as well?"
"Cause, whenever I do, they come out cops...!"