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Вицове за полицаи English Witze über Polizisten Chistes sobre policías Шутки про полицейских Blagues sur les policiers Barzellette sui poliziotti Ανέκδοτα για αστυνομικούς Вицеви за полицајци Polisler hakkında fıkralar Жарти про поліцейських Piadas sobre policiais Żarty o policjantach Skämt om poliser Grappen over politieagenten Vittigheder om politibetjente Vitser om politifolk Vitsit poliiseista Viccek rendőrökről Glume despre polițiști Vtipy o policistech Anekdotai apie policininkus Joki par policistiem Vicevi o policajcima
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Jokes about Police Officers

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Tried to rip off what he thought was my bicycle. It was an exercycle. He didn't get far.
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Two clones were standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon, one of them cursing wildly.
The other one, tired of hearing all the profanity, pushed the cursing one into the Canyon.
The police were called and immediately arrested the survivor.
He was charged with “making an obscene clone fall.”
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There’s an old man who lives alone next door, and we were a bit worried because we hadn’t see him since Christmas. The postman came round and said there was a fuскing awful smell coming from his letterbox. So I called the police. They knocked down his door and our worst fears were confirmed. He’d gone away: Indian’s had moved in!”
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A cop pulls a guy over for speeding. The guy tries to defend himself by saying, "I was just going with the flow of traffic."
The Cop replies,
"Ever go fishing?"
"Yeah."
"Ever catch ALL the fish?"
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*man gets run over by a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry*
*policeman informs family*
“There’s no easy way to say this”…
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2 bedbugs were having a discussion. "I just graduated from bedbug private investigator classes. I'm going to start performing clandestine and secret investigations."
"I figured you'd want to be an 'in your face, take no prisoners, out there' kind of police bug?"
"Not really. I do my best work under cover!"
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A young teenage girl was making a living as a рrоsтiтuте and for obvious reasons she kept it a secret from her grandma.
One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.
Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, “What are you lining up for, dear?”
Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
“Mmm, sounds lovely,” said Grandma. “I think I’ll have some myself,” she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. “But you’re so old… how do you do it?”
Grandma replied, “Oh, it’s quite easy, sonny… I just remove my dentures and suск em dry!”
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Did you hear about the wheat farmer who got arrested by the police? Apparently he was a CEREAL killer.
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I  described my wife as a miserable сunт that needs to stop eating so much.
But the police have said that doesn’t really help with their missing persons report.
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This guy who is down and out on his luck finally gets a job at a funeral parlor, The boss tells him he will receive huge incentives if he digs out and bring back all the expensive coffins after every burial they conduct, He does very well at this until he's stopped one evening at a roadblock with a coffin full of mud. The officer asks him where is he going with this coffin and calls for backup.
The guy responds calmly, "Officer, I don't like the place they buried me, so I'm moving elsewhere."
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What does "Marine" stand for?
My Аss Rides In Navy Equipment.
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Police: George Michael, you're under arrest for illegal оrgаn harvesting. Last Christmas, someone gave their heart!
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A speeding driver was pulled over by a policeman. He asked,
"Why was I pulled over when I wasn't the only one speeding." The police replied, "Have you ever been fishing?" The man then said,
"Yes". "Have you ever caught all the fish?" asked the policeman
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A traffic cop pulled over a speeding motorist and asked,
"Do you have any ID?"
The motorist replied, "About what?"
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What has an American police officer and Ronnie O’Sullivan got in common?
Average shot time is only sixteen seconds. Less on the black.
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Two people have been killed and another seriously injured in a knife attack at an Ikea store in Sweden.
Police are currently at the сriме scene trying to piece the evidence together.
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A rарisт, a gangster and a murderer are in the same car...
Who is driving the car?
A police officer!
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Police Officer George with his duty partner woman Police Officer Mary along with their police dog had been assigned to walk a beat.
They had been out only a short time when Mary said :
“Dамn, I was running late this morning I forgot to put on my раnтiеs! It is so uncomfortable without my раnтiеs. We have to go back to the station to get them.”
“We don’t have to go back,” George replied. “Just give the dog one sniff between your legs, and he’ll go fetch them for you.”
Mary lifted her skirt for the dog. After ten seconds of sniffing, the dog took off toward the station house.
Twenty minutes later they heard sirens. Suddenly the dog rounded the corner with a dozen police cars in pursuit - and the superintendent’s ваlls in his mouth!
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