Jokes about Police Officers
One day, an Eskimo family arrived in New York City. This was the first time out of their native village, and it didn't take long before the wife got lost. The husband asked a passerby for help and was told to go to the police and report it.
When he got there, a police officer asked him for the wife's description. "What's that?" asked the husband. "Well, you see a description is telling what something looks like. For example, my wife is 25-years-old, 5'11", 140 lbs, 38-25-36 measurements. Now, what can you tell me about your wife?"
"The heck with her, lets go look for yours!"
A man selling carpet called a home and a little boy with a whisper answered the phone the man introduced himself to the child and asked if he could speak to his father the little boy said,
"No" the man asked why not? The little boy exclaimed, " He’s busy" so the man asked to speak with his mother, the little boy said,
"No" the man asked why not? The little boy said, “She's busy” so the man asked if there were any other grown ups in the house. The little boy said, “ yes a policeman and a fireman” the man asked to speak to the policeman the little boy said, “no” He’s busy so the man asked to speak to the fireman and the little boy said, “no” He’s busy so the man puzzled said, there are four grownups in your house and they are all busy, do you mind if I ask what are they doing? The little boy still in a whisper says " yah they are looking for me"
A businessman is going on a business trip but wants to get something for his wife so that she can give herself pleasure whilst he's away, so he decides to go to a sеx shop. The guy didn't like the idea of his wife having sеx with another man so he didn't buy a вlоw up doll. After looking at all the sеx toys, dildоs and вlоw up dolls, he asks the old man at the cash register if he has anything else. "Yes I do." Says the old man. He gets a wooden box out and opens it. " It looks like an ordinary dildо." Says the businessman. " No it's no ordinary dildо; watch this: Voodoo diск, the door!" The dildо starts twisting at the door, "Voodoo diск, get back in the box!"
"How much does it cost?" Asks the businessman. "Sorry it's not for sale."
" I'll pay you $500."
"Okay" says the old man and sells the dildо.
When the wife is on her own she opens the box and says:
" Voodoo diск, my рussy!"
So the dildо gives her pleasure until after three оrgаsмs gets bored, but doesn't know how to tell it to stop so she puts her clothes back on and gets in her car to drive to the hospital. She has another оrgаsм and the car sways, a policeman pulls her over:
" Are you drunк? Asks the police officer. "No, I've got a voodoo diск stuck inside me."
So the policeman says:
"Voodoo diск my аss!
There were three idiots who were in another country and they didn't know the language. They decided that they would go to the local village and they would each learn one new phrase.
So they went to the village, and the first idiот was watching a girl sing, "Me,me,me,me,me!!" So that was the first idiот's phrase.
The second idiот saw a street vendor who was selling silverware and who was saying "Forks and knifes." And that was the second idiот's phrase.
The third idiот went to a park and saw a boy saying, "Swing me first!" And that was the third idiот's phrase.
The three idiots met back and were about to tell each other their new phrases when a policeman ran up and said,
"There has been a мurdеr. Who did it?"
The idiots decided to use their new phrases, so the first one said,
"Me,me,me,me,me!"
The policeman said,
"What was the мurdеr weapon?" The second idiот said,
"Forks and knifes."
The policeman said,
"Y'all are going to have to hang for this." The third idiот said,
"Swing me first!"