With the circus in town, a local man is very excited to see the magic show and rushes down to the big top. He reaches the gates just as the circus is closing for the day but manages to buy a ticket and hurriedly runs into the tent.
“Where’s the magic show?”, he breathlessly asks one employee.
The lady replies that she just saw the magician in the back packing up his bags for the day and without wasting a minute, the man rushes back to see the show. He races into the room only to find the magician ready to leave.
“I’m here for the magic show”, the guy tells the magician.
“Sorry pal, come back tomorrow I’m going home.” replies the magician.
“Look”, says the man, “I just paid good money to come in and see a magic show and that’s what I expect!”
Visually annoyed, the magician tells him, “Buddy, I’ve been here all day and I’d like to go home and see my wife and kids.”
With that, the customer becomes more irate and demands that he be shown at least one magic trick.
“Ok, you want to see a magic trick?!”, the magician asks. “Pull down your pants.”
The man looks skeptical but does as he’s told.
“Now bend over and grab your ankles.” As he does the magician walks behind him and the man flinches. “There,” asks the magician, “Can you feel my finger in your аss?”
The man winces and replies, “Yeah.”
The magician holds both of his hands over the guy’s back, wiggles his fingers in front of his face and shouts, “Ta-Dah.”
A woman goes into a shop and tells the clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she bought because it doesn’t work.
The clerk tells her that he can’t give her a refund because she bought the toaster on special. All of a sudden, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming!
“Grab my вrеаsтs! Grab my вrеаsтs!”
The clerk, not knowing what to do, runs to get the store manager.
The manager comes up to the Woman and asks, “What’s wrong?”
She explains the situation with the toaster. He tells her that he can’t give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming, “Grab my вrеаsтs! Grab my вrеаsтs! ”
In shock, the store manager pleads, “Ma’am, why are you saying that?”
In a huff, the woman says, “Because I like to have my вrеаsтs grabbed when I’m getting sсrеwеd!”
Her money was refunded!!!
A man goes to the famous Lucas Carton restaurant in Paris with his girlfriend and orders the 1928 Mouton. The waiter returns with a bottle full of wine, pours a small amount in the glass for tasting. The customer picks up the glass, smells the wine, and puts it down on the table with a thud.
“This is not the 1928 Mouton.”
The waiter assures him it is, and soon there are another twenty people surrounding the table, including the chef and the manager trying to convince the man that the wine is the 1928 Mouton.
Finally someone asks him how he knows that it is not the 1928 Mouton.
“My name is Phillipe de Rothschild, and I make the wine.”
Finally, the original waiter steps forward and admits that he poured the Clerc Milon 1928.
“I could not bear to part with our last bottle of 1928 Mouton. You know Clerc Milon, it is in the same village as Mouton, you pick the grapes at the same time, the same cepage, you crush in the same way, you put them into similar barrels. You bottle at the same time, you even use eggs from the same chickens to fine them. The wines are the same, except for a small matter of geographic location.”
Rothschild beckons the waiter forward, and whispers to him, “When you return home tonight, ask your girlfriend to remove her underwear. Put one finger in one opening, another finger in the other, then smell both the fingers. You will understand what difference a small distance in geographic location makes.”