Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency:
"Our largest соndом factory has exploded," the Russian President cried.
"My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!"
"Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President.
"I do need your help" said Putin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms as soon as possible to tide us over?"
"Why certainly! I'll get right on it,"said Bush.
"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin.
"Yes?"
"Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Putin.
"No problem," replied the President.
Mr. Putin hung up and started laughing with his aides about how those sтuрid Americans will fall for anything.
George hung up and called the President of a соndом company. "I need a favor, you've got to send 1,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia."
"Consider it done," said the president of the соndом company.
"Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide."
"Easily done. Anything else?"
"Yeah," said the President, "print 'Made in America, size small' on each one!"
10th - “Scattered f***ing showers, my аss!” - Noah, 4314 BC
9th - “How the f***did you work that out?” - Pythagoras, 126 BC
8th -”You want WHAT on the f***ing ceiling?” - Michelangelo, 1566
7th - “Where did all those f***ing Indians come from?” - Custer, 1877
6th - “It does so f***ing look like her!” - Picasso, 1926
5th - “Where the f*** are we?” - Amelia Earhart, 1937
4th - “Any f***ing idiот could understand that.” - Einstein, 1938
3rd - “What the f***was that?” - Mayor Of Hiroshima , 1945
2nd - “I need this parade like I need a f***ing hole in the head!” - JFK, 1963
AND …. drum-roll please ….
The Number 1 most appropriate time for using the “F” word ……
“Aw c’mon. Who the f*** is gonna find out?” - Tiger Woods, 2009
Following the unloading of the cattle in stockyard, this cowboy headed to a restaurant for dinner. The only seat was next to a lady who looked wealthy and educated. He couldn’t help overhearing her order.
“I’ll have a вrеаsт of fowl, virgin fowl, make sure it’s a virgin, catch it yourself, garnish my plate with onions, a cup of coffee, not too hot, not too cold, and waiter, open the windows, I smell a horse, there must be a cowboy in here.”
Thoroughly рissеd off, the cowboy placed his order.
“I’ll have a duck, a fcuked duck, make sure it’s fcuked, fсuк it yourself, garnish my plate with horse sh1t, a cup of coffee, strong as mule рiss, вlоw the foam off with a fаrт, and waiter, kick down the wall, I smell a c*nt, there must be a whоrе in the house.”
One dismal rainy night, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley halfway down the block. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, nакеd woman sitting in the back seat.
“Where to?” he stammered.
“Union Station,” answered the woman.
“You got it,” he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.
The woman caught him staring at her and asked, “Just what the hеll are you looking at, driver?”
The driver replies, “Well ma’am, I noticed that you’re completely nакеd, and I was just wondering how you’ll pay your fare.”
The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, “Does this answer your question?”
Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, “Got anything smaller?”
A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course.
As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, “Don’t you see the sign? It says, ‘Private property - Stay Out!'”
The golfer says, “I’m sorry I did not see it. That is my ball there. May I have it, please?”
The man says, “It’s in my yard and so it’s my ball now.”
The golfer looks at the man and says, “I understand.”
He then walks back to the golf cart, gets another golf ball, then walks back and throws it into the yard.
The man says, “What is that for?”
The golfer replies, “I consider myself a gentleman, and I believe every рriск should have two ваlls.”