Sex Jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular

One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from a hotel in the country, when another man came and sat down.
By way of conversation, the man asked the other what he was doing there.
"I'm on a honeymoon."
"Oh. Shouldn't you be having sеx with your wife?"
"Well, I would be. But she has a yeast infection."
"What about оrаl sеx?"
"Gingivitis."
"Аnаl sеx?"
"Diarrhea."
"Pardon my question, but why are you with her?"
"Well, I like fishing. And she's got worms."

35

0

Condoms are not completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus.

35

0

Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms?
A: So gаy guys can play star wars.

35

0

A doctor asks a patient while examining her:
How many sеx partners did you have?
5 or 6, don't remember exactly..
Hmm, not that many...
Yes, that wasn't the most successful weekend.

35

0

An old lady goes to her doctor and asks for contraceptive tablets, claiming they help her sleep at night.
‘Why would contraceptive pills make you sleep any better than normal?’ asks the doctor.
The old lady replies, ‘Because I put them in my grandaughter’s coffee.’

35

0

The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sеx.
But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.

35

0

A woman was suspicious in the loyalty of her husband for a long time and she decided to make him jealous.
"My love, what would you say if I was having sеx with your best friend?"
"I'd say you're a lеsвiаn!"

35

0

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

35

0

Three men were in heaven discussing how they died.
The first man said, "I died in a car accident."
The second man said, "I died by drowning."
The third man said, "I died of seenus."
The first two men asked, "Do you mean sinus?"
The third man said, "No, I mean SEENUS. I was out with my best friend’s wife and he seen us!"

35

0

Two college roommates are about to go to bed.
The guy in the top bunk has his girlfriend sleeping over. To try and keep quiet, they devise a code. His girlfriend will say "tomato" if she wants him to go slower and "lettuce" for him to go faster. As they begin to have sеx, the girl starts to moan, "Lettuce, lettuce, tomato, tomato!" The roommate on the bottom bunk wakes up the next morning and says, "Stop making sandwiches at night. You got mayonnaise in my eye!"

34

0

Two gаy men, Paul and Tom, were making love one night, and had just finished when Paul decided he was going to freshen up in the shower. Tom was laying there thinking about how wonderful Paul was, when he decided he was going to join him in the shower.
When Tom got into the bathroom, he opened up the shower curtain and the first thing he saw was a large сuмshот on the wall. He wailed to Tom, ''I can't believe you! We just finish making love and you come in here and jack-off!!''
Paul looks at the wall and says ''What are you talkng about? I wasn't jacking-off, I farted!!!"

34

1

Q: What did the elephant say to the nакеd man?
A: "It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"

34

0

What two things in the air can make a women pregnant?
Her feet!

34

0

3 people having sеx is a тhrееsоме, 2 is a twosome.
So next time someone calls you handsome, don't take it as a compliment!

34

0

The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how sтuрid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband.
He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?"
"There," said the wife, "didn’t I tell you he was sтuрid?"

34

0

Sеx is when a guys communication,
enters a girls information,
to increase the population,
for a younger generation,
do you get the information...
or do you need a demonstration.

34

0

Advice for office managers: Keep the sеxuаl harassment complaint forms in the bottom drawer.
That way, when she goes to get one you'll get a great view of her аrsе.

34

0

An old couple returning from Florida cross the border. The customs agent ask the man "did you buy anything while in the US.
the man answers no.
the man's wife asks her husband "what did he say?". the man tells his wife "the agent wants to know if we bought anything".
the customs agent asks the man where he is from. the man answers "Toronto". the man's wife says "what did he say?" the man tells his wife "he wanted to know where we were from.
the agent says to the man " i was in Toronto once, i had the worst sеx ever in my life in Toronto." the man's wife says "what did he say?"
the husband tells his wife "he thinks he knows you dear."

34

0