Bill and John, in their 80's decided to visit the Madam for one last sеxuаl encounter.
The Madam noticed Bill and John approaching, she quickly prepared 2 вlоw-up dolls, placing one in each room on the bed.
Bill and John told the Madam that "We are here for the last time".
The Madam sent Bill upstairs to the room on the left and John to the room on the right.
After an hour Bill and John left the rooms, paid the Madam and left.
Bill and John were very quiet until Bill said: "How was yours"?
John said, "I think she was dead".
John said, "How was yours"?
Bill said, "I think she was a witch".
John replied, "How did you know she was a witch"?
Bill said, "Well I got on top of her, bit her niррlе, she farted and flew out the window."
One day a man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the lady parted her legs, the bee entered her vаginа. The woman started screaming, "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vаginа!" The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit." The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vаginа. The doctor said "Okay, what I'm going to do is rub some honey over the tip of my реnis and insert it into your wife's vаginа. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my реnis, I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my реnis out of your wife's vаginа. The husband nodded and gave his approval. The lady said, "Yes, whatever, just get on with it." So the doctor, after covering the tip of his реnis with honey, entered the woman. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should try further." The lady began to quiver with excitement, moaning aloud. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself. The husband became very annoyed and shouted, "Now wait a minute! What the hеll do you think you're doing?" The doctor, still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the ваsтаrd!"
A guy walks into a bar with a four-foot crocodile on a leash, following him like a dog.
The barman says gruffly: "No pets allowed here!"
The guy says, "But this is a trained crocodile. See what it can do!"
He sets the crocodile on a table and hits it on both ears.
The crocodile opens its jaws wide.
The guy unzips his pants, puts his рескеr into the crocodile's jaws and hits the crocodile on the ears again.
The crocodile closes its jaws leaving just one-inch space, not touching the man's рескеr.
Everybody in the bar is very impressed.
To build upon it, the guy declares: "I give a hundred dollars to anyone who does it!"
But everybody is afraid to - understandably, each would rather have an undamaged рескеr than a hundred dollars.
Finally, a man wearing a pink suit, with an earring in one ear, says in an effeminate voice:
"I think I can do it!"
Everybody admires him, "What a brave man you are!"
The man continues, to the guy: "Just don't hit me so hard on the ears!"
This guy named "John" asked advice how to lose extra LBS gained during vacation and was told about some new fitness center.
So John went to check it out.
Walked in, put $10 on the counter and said: "I'd like to lose 10 LBS please?!"
The receptionist smiled and pointed to a pink door.
John walked slowly into the room and saw only a massage table, a gorgeous sсаnтily dressed woman on the other side. She said in a sеxy voice "If you catch me, you fuск me! " John ran around n round, caught her and...
A few days later John returned. He put $20 on the counter and said "I'd like to lose 20 LBS. The smiling receptionist and pointed to a red door. John strutting to the door, and entered where he beheld 2 beautifully attired very hot n sеxy women kissing and caressing each other, then they stood up, gazed at John, who was already moving toward them. And they purred "you catch us, you fuск us!"
Already in motion, John ran round n round caught one, then caught the other...
The following week John went back again.
He smiled while searching for the door he knew was waiting for him, and slapped $50 on the counter saying excitedly "50 LBS for 50 bucks."
The receptionist pointed to a black door.
John strode over with quick steps, opened the door and immediately heard a deep voice belonging to the biggest blackest buck nакеd she-male say excitedly
"I catch you I fuск you!"
Johnny wanted to have sеx with a girl in his office. But she belonged to someone else...
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a Ł100 if you let me have sеx with you."
But the girl said, "NO."
Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend...
So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for Ł200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."
So she agrees and accepts the proposal.
Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.
Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.
She responded, "The ваsтаrd used coins!"