Sexist Jokes

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Why are women so good in hockey?
Because it looks so much like sweeping!

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Some universities have Women Studies, but no Men Studies. That’s pretty sexist, but then I realised we do have Men Studies.
It’s called History.

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Following a sexist joke I made the other day, the Feminist Society now has my address.
Fortunately none of them can read a map!

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The wife said she was feeling Light-Headed from a Low Iron Level.
So to help her, I raised the Ironing Board to a more Suitable Height..!
Sometimes I get no thanks in this house

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My wife stopped the car today and asked a guy for some directions.
“What’s the quickest way to get to the town centre?” she asked.
“Swap seats with your husband.” He said.

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How do you stop a man breaking into your house?
Replace the locks with вrа fasteners.

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I saw a woman trying to park her car in the Tesco car park today.
After a few minutes I went over and said, “Would you like me to do that for you?”
“No thanks,” she replied.
“Are you sure?” I asked, as I walked out with my shopping 45 minutes later.

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An elderly man walked into a confessional booth. The following conversation ensued:
Man:
“I am 82 years old, and have a wonderful wife of 60 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. For some reason, they thought I was kind of interesting. One thing led to another, and we ended up at a motel, where I had sеx with each of them twice.”
Priest:
“Are you sorry for your sins?”
Man:
“What sins?”
Priest:
“What kind of a Catholic are you?”
Man:
“I’m Jewish.”
Priest:
“Why are you telling me all this?”
Man:
“I’m telling everybody.”

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If a tree falls on a woman and there’s nobody around to hear it, then why was there a tree in the kitchen?

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RIP King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia. The newsreader said women can’t drive in your country.
To be fair, they can’t drive here either.

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A study has shown that women are better at driving in the fog than men…
Of course they are, they’re used to not looking where they’re going.

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Why do most homes have a window above the kitchen sink?
It gives women a point of view.

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Wimbledon trophies on show this today.
A huge gold cup for the men to drink вееr from and a big silver plate for the ladies to fill with sandwiches…
For the men.

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It’s impossible for women to be more intelligent than men because, where men have their brains, they just have a gaping hole!

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Scientists have just announced today that Dolphins are second to man in intelligence levels.
So that pushes women down to third place.

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Every woman’s magazine:
Page 8: Accept yourself for who you are
Page 15: How to lose 2 stone in a week
Page 16: Best cake recipe

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Two women apply for the same office job.
One is straight out of university and has a degree in business and the other one has been doing the same job for a different company for three years and has a wealth of knowledge and experience. Which one gets the job?
The one with the biggest тiтs, of course.

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I never tip waitresses, only waiters.
I’m sick of giving money to women for doing what’s expected.

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