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Why are women so good in hockey?
Because it looks so much like sweeping!
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Some universities have Women Studies, but no Men Studies. That’s pretty sexist, but then I realised we do have Men Studies.
It’s called History.
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Following a sexist joke I made the other day, the Feminist Society now has my address.
Fortunately none of them can read a map!
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The wife said she was feeling Light-Headed from a Low Iron Level.
So to help her, I raised the Ironing Board to a more Suitable Height..!
Sometimes I get no thanks in this house
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My wife stopped the car today and asked a guy for some directions.
“What’s the quickest way to get to the town centre?” she asked.
“Swap seats with your husband.” He said.
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How do you stop a man breaking into your house?
Replace the locks with вrа fasteners.
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I saw a woman trying to park her car in the Tesco car park today.
After a few minutes I went over and said, “Would you like me to do that for you?”
“No thanks,” she replied.
“Are you sure?” I asked, as I walked out with my shopping 45 minutes later.
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Incredible Confession
в церковь заходит старик и обращается к священнику: - я бы хотел...
приходит на исповедь пожилой человек. - отец мой, у меня не было...
Мъж влиза в църква и се насочва право към изповедалнята.
Младеж се изповядва на свещеника:
Старец влиза в изповедалнята и казва на свещеника:
A guy goes into confession and says to the priest, “Father, I’m 80 years old, widower, with 11 grandchildren. Last night I met two beautiful flight attendants. They took me home and I made love to both of them. Twice.”
Ein Mann geht zur Beichte und sagt zum Priester: "Vater, ich bin 80 Jahre alt, verheiratet, habe vier Kinder und elf Enkelkinder, und letzte Nacht hatte ich eine Affäre mit zwei 18-jährigen Mädchen. Ich hatte Sex mit beiden...zweimal!" Darauf der Priester: "Also, mein Sohn, wann warst Du das...
Un anciano entra a la iglesia, y al dirigirse al confesionario le dice al cura: - Padre, yo tengo 82 años, soy casado, tengo 5 hijos y 12 nietos. Pero ayer tuve una aventura con dos ardientes muchachas de 20 años. Le hice el amor dos veces a cada...
Un hombre de 80 años entró en el confesionario y le dijo al sacerdote lo siguiente: "Padre, yo soy un hombre de 80 años, estoy casado, tengo 4 hijos y 11 nietos. Anoche tuve un romance con dos...
A very old man went to a church, making this confession: - Father, I am 78 years old, I have been married for 40 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I had sex...
На сповіді: — Пасторе, я згрішив. Моя дружина поїхала на вихідні в село, а я... зрадив їй з іншою. — Скільки разів? — Скільки разів! Та послухайте, пасторе, я ж прийшов сповідатися, а не хизуватися!
A gyóntatófülkében egy öregember ezt mondja a papnak: - 92 éves vagyok. Csodás feleségem van, aki 70 éves. Gyerekeim, unokáim, dédunokáim vannak. Tegnap három stoppos tinédzserlányt vittem az...
Un anciano entra al confesionario y dice al cura: - Padre, tengo 80 años, estoy casado, tengo cuatro hijos y 11 nietos, y anoche tuve una aventura. Hice el amor a dos chicas de 21 años. ¡A las dos....
O blonda la spovedanie: - Parinte am preacurvit. -De cite ori fica mea.......? - Parinte am venit sa ma spovedesc, nu sa ma laud!
Kahdeksankymmentä ja kuolemavälillä oleva tutajava ukkeli käppäilee katoliseen kirkkoon tunnustamaan syntinsä: - Isä, olen 82-vuotta, naimisissa olen ollut yli 40 vuotta. Koko tämän ajan olen ollut...
An old man bursts into a priest
Yaşlı bir adam kiliseye girer ve günah çıkarma kabinine yerleşir. Pederle aralarında aşağıdaki konuşma geçer: Adam: “92 yasımdayım, 70 yaşında harika bir karim, birçok çocuğum, Torunum ve onların...
Um senhor de 60 anos entra no confissionário e vai falando pro padre: — Padre, comi uma garota de 16 anos! O padre então, manda ele rezar 10 padre-nossos e 10 ave-Marias. — Mas padre, toda vez q eu...
Um velho foi se confessar: — Padre, eu tenho 80 anos, tenho 5 filhos e 11 netos. Ontem eu transei com duas moças de 18 anos, com as duas juntas e duas vezes! — Oh, meu filho! Quando foi a última...
Wchodzi staruszek do konfesjonału i nawija: - Mam 92 lata. Mam wspaniałą żonę, która ma 70 lat. Mam dzieci, wnuki i prawnuki. Wczoraj podwoziłem samochodem trzy nastolatki, zatrzymaliśmy się w...
Stařec vejde do zpovědnice: „Otče, je mi osmdesát, jsem šedesát let ženat, mám čtyři děti, šestnáct vnoučat a asi šedesát pravnoučat, takže bych měl mít už rozum. Ale včera, co se mi stalo - pařil...
An elderly man walked into a confessional booth. The following conversation ensued:
Man:
“I am 82 years old, and have a wonderful wife of 60 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. For some reason, they thought I was kind of interesting. One thing led to another, and we ended up at a motel, where I had sеx with each of them twice.”
Priest:
“Are you sorry for your sins?”
Man:
“What sins?”
Priest:
“What kind of a Catholic are you?”
Man:
“I’m Jewish.”
Priest:
“Why are you telling me all this?”
Man:
“I’m telling everybody.”
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If a tree falls on a woman and there’s nobody around to hear it, then why was there a tree in the kitchen?
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RIP King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia. The newsreader said women can’t drive in your country.
To be fair, they can’t drive here either.
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A study has shown that women are better at driving in the fog than men…
Of course they are, they’re used to not looking where they’re going.
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Why do most homes have a window above the kitchen sink?
It gives women a point of view.
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Wimbledon trophies on show this today.
A huge gold cup for the men to drink вееr from and a big silver plate for the ladies to fill with sandwiches…
For the men.
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It’s impossible for women to be more intelligent than men because, where men have their brains, they just have a gaping hole!
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Scientists have just announced today that Dolphins are second to man in intelligence levels.
So that pushes women down to third place.
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Every woman’s magazine:
Page 8: Accept yourself for who you are
Page 15: How to lose 2 stone in a week
Page 16: Best cake recipe
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Two women apply for the same office job.
One is straight out of university and has a degree in business and the other one has been doing the same job for a different company for three years and has a wealth of knowledge and experience. Which one gets the job?
The one with the biggest тiтs, of course.
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I never tip waitresses, only waiters.
I’m sick of giving money to women for doing what’s expected.
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