Sexist Jokes

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I just had some chick come up to me and ask, “Why do guys make more money an hour to do the exact same job?”
“Why? I’ll tell you why”, I said. “Because in the unlikely event that we’re both on the Titanic and it starts to sink, for some sсrеwеd-up reason, you get to leave with the kids and I have to stay.”

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My wife said, “I’m bored, can we try a new position?”
“No,” I replied. “You’re staying in the passenger seat where you fuскing belong.”

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I had my first driving lesson today.
Stalled seventeen times, had two minor accidents and knocked over a school boy.
And then she let me have a go.

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I’m not saying my wife’s driving is bad…
But to cash in on it, I’ve opened up a florist.

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I was walking down the road when I saw a woman holding a placard that read;
“Women are not just sеxuаl objects - Honk if you agree!”
So I squeezed one of her тiтs and said, “Honk.”

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I love to pamper my girlfriend after she’s had a stressful day at work.
I get her to text me when she’s leaving so I can get the hot tap running, swirl around the foam and bubbles and time everything perfectly so that, the moment she walks through the door, the dishes are piled up and waiting for her.

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I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way.
Through the driver’s door.

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We had a woman pilot one year when we went to Majorca.
We were delayed for 8 hours.
Turns out the previous pilot had left the hand brake on too tight.

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We over heard our neighbors arguing last night…
“A real man respects a woman” she cried.
“Oh yeah” he shouted, “Well a real woman makes a respectable sandwich.”
I just looked at my wife and nodded… that’s when we started arguing.

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A boy asked his dad, "What's the difference between a woman and a slаvе?" His father replies,
"I don't know, what?" His son says,
"No, I was asking a question."

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There were three women walking on a beach and they find a bottle laying in the sand they rub it and a genie pops out. The genie says ill give you all 1 wish. The first women thinks and says I wish I was the smartest women in the world. The genie say рооf ok wish granted your the smartest women in the world. The next women says I want to be ten times smarter than the smartest women in the world. The genie says рооf wish granted. The next women thinks then says I wish I was one-hundred times smarter than the women ten times smarter than the smartest women in the world. The genis says рооf and makes her a man.

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“Two heads are better than one” - undeniable proof that men, are indeed, the superior sеx.

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My girlfriend said I don’t pay her enough attention.
It’s not my fault she’s wears clothes around the house.

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I came home today to find my washing machine had broken down and started to leak.
It’s that time of the fuскing month again.

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My wife says ‘Strike when the iron’s hot’
I tell her ‘Iron when the iron’s hot’

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It’s amazing how the muscle strength of a woman changes during the day…
In the morning she’s can’t even open a jar of marmalade, while at night it’s impossible to get a piece of the blanket…

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It’s hard to be a woman - they have to think like a man, act like a lady, look like a young girl and work like a horse.
It’s easy to be a feminist - they don’t think like a man, don’t act like a lady, don’t look like a young girl and smell like a horse.

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Man cannot live on bread alone.
Man needs woman to bake bread.

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