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Stupid / Dumb Jokes

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You’re a woman, driving alone, lost and you see this clown hitch-hiking at the side of the road. He says he’s late to a birthday party and asks for a ride. What do you do?
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Zero to 60 in six seconds.
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Sven and Ollie got a pilot to fly them into northern Minnesota for elk hunting. … They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bulls. … The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up.
They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected he said, “The plane can take out only four of your elk. You will have to leave two behind.” …
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Ollie got rather upset:
“Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. What’s with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year.
Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. They crashed in the Minnesota wilderness.
Climbing out of the wreckage, Sven said to Ollie, “Do you know where we are?”
“I think so,” replied Ollie. “Yep! I think this is about 100 yards further along than where we crashed last year!”
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“Тiтs man or аrsе man?” I was asked.
I really should have got in there earlier when they were giving out super hero names.
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Trust America to name a State after a bucket of fried chicken.
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I took my son’s goldfish to the vet today but it died just before we got there.
I knew I should have put some air holes in the cardboard box.
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I’ve been trying to buy a train ticket online for over an hour now and I’m getting рissеd off.
It keeps asking me, ‘Where do you want to go?’
So I click on the icon that says ‘Home’ and then it makes me start again.
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If you stand by the sea, it sounds like putting a shell to your ear.
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Someone broke into my house last night and left a note saying they’d broken one of my keyboard keys.
I onder hich one.
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My mum always told me, “Never do something that you’ll regret later in life.”
I always thought that it was great advice. So I got it tattooed on my forehead.
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Well, that was an awkward birthday dinner!
Turns out that МILF doesn’t stand for Mum I’ll Love Forever…
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It’s not Politically Correct to say Lottery players are sтuрid or rетаrdеd.
They are “Mathematically Challenged.”
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How easily you’re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
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That’s the last time I try and sell a tele on eBay.
I had 47 people watching it “cheeky ваsтаrds”
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I spent ages trying to cross a busy road.
Some passer-by said, “There’s a zebra crossing fifty yards up the road.”
I thought, “I hope he’s having better luck than me.”
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It is said that brushing your teeth with the opposite hand stimulates brain activity in the morning.
I tried it and stabbed myself in the back of the throat. Yes, I’m wide awake now.
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I’ve just seen an advert in my local newspaper.
Accountant needed!
£35,000 - £40,000
So I phoned them up and said, “The answer is -£5,000.”
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I was gonna give my change to a homeless guy today, but his sign said “ONE DAY IT COULD BE YOU.”
So I held onto it, just in case he was right.
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Sven:
“Ollie I bought a Lottery ticket today.” …
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Ollie:
“It looks like it has six numbers on it. 29, 4, 42, 11, 35, 36” ….
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Sven:
“What are the odds?” ….
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Ollie:
“29, 11, 35.”
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