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Stupid / Dumb Jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular
Piracy is killing the music industry.
You try playing the guitar with a hook.
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The Japanese flag is actually a pie chart of how much of Japan is Japan.
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The tube this morning had delays of up to an hour.
I didn’t give a fuск though, the trains from an hour ago turned up at exactly the same time as my normal train did.
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My best childhood memory was falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed thinking..
“Wow, I can teleport”.
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Lars and Bjorn have a plan to forge ten dollar bills. ….
…..
They will scrape one zero off of every hundred bill.
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As I stood smoking outside the pub last night, some random bloke walked up to me and said, “Have you got a cigarette?”
“Yes.” I replied.
After a few seconds he looked at me and said, “Well, where is it then?”
I said, “Between my fсuкing fingers, you blind тwат.”
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The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?”
Well, swimming, I suppose.
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Apparently, towels are the biggest cause of dry skin.
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I was thinking of starting up a small zoo, so I wrote a letter to London Zoo;
“Dear Sir, I’m starting up a zoo, please send me 2 mongooses.”
I thought that didn’t sound right so I tried again;
“Dear Sir, I’m starting up a small zoo, please send me 2 mongeese.”
Nope, that still didn’t sound right;
“Dear Sir, I’m starting up a small zoo, please send me 2 mongi.”
Ahh fuск it I thought,
“Dear Sir, I’m starting up a small zoo, please send me a mongoose.
P. S. Send me another one.”
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Just watched a film about Jack the Ripper.
It wasn’t the light-hearted fаrт comedy I’d expected.
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Once a month my girlfriend gets aggressive, violent, moody and just doesn’t seem the same person, this morning I woke up to blood all over our bed sheets…
I think she might be a Werewolf.
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In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Simply grab the mask, and pull it over your face.
If you have a child travelling with you, secure your own mask before assisting with theirs.
If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.
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My phone battery is on 1 percent.
I like to live on the
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My girlfriend said that I’m too immature for her.
I said “If I’m immature, how come I’ve got an Arsfor?”
She said “What’s an Arsfor?”
“Shiттing.” I said, and giggled for 20 minutes.
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I went to give my boss a high 5 today during a meeting, but he swerved it..
So I turned it into a handstand to avoid looking sтuрid.
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I went to the the local library for a book, I asked the lady for a book on Рsyсhо the Rарisт, she said, i think its pronounced Psychotherapist.
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Ollie and Lars were on their very first train ride, heading to Minneapolis. They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel. “Have you eaten your banana yet?” Ollie asked excitedly. …
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“No,” replied Lars.
“Vell don’t touch it den,” Ollie exclaimed. “I yust took vun bite and vent blind!”
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Why were the Star Wars movies released 4,5,6,1,2,3,7,8? …
It was the cylinder firing order of the V-8 in George Lucas’ Lexus.
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