Jokes

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Spongebob is yellow, and he can’t drive.
Must be Asian.

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Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make em, we scrape em. No fetus can beat us.

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Why are Trump’s ties so long?
Because they go all the way to Russia.

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The last thing i told my ex after we broke up was “at least we’re still cousins”

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Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin

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What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle?
I’m воnе to be wild!

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A lady runs into a police station and yells “help, help”. I’ve been graped then a police officer says “Do you mean rареd”. The girl then replies “No there was a bunch of em”.

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I really hate waiting to die…
Its taking a lifetime

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Last halloween i went dressed as a woman. When i rang the doorbell an elderly woman opened and i made grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands. She immediately called the police and told them excactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First he asked are your parents here and i said nothing. Concerned by my answer he then asked if i was ok so i said nothing. He asked me what my name and i responded, "Hellen Keller.

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What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws? – It was given two consecutive sentences.

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The only thing I do straight is vodka

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What do you call a lazy gаy?
Someone who comes straight out of the closet,and goes straight to the couch.

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What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.

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You’ll end up DEAD if you don’t stop COFFIN!!!

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When the school shooter kills the teacher and the autistic kid declares communism

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What did the North tower say to the south tower. “sorry can’t talk, got to catch a plane”

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How do you вlоw up an Indian person?
You press the red button.

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So I went out to eat the other day, and the waitress came up to me and asked if I wanted a glass of water. I said “Yes ma’am.” She said “Oh honey, you don’t have to call me ma’am, I’m not that old.” I said “Okay, thanks вiтсh.”

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