Bad Jokes

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What is the tallest piece of furniture?
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The bookcase. It’s got the most stories.

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What do you call an alligator that’s wearing a vest?
An investigator.

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What is green and sits crying in the corner?
The incredible Sulk.

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A crying son runs to his mom:
“Mom, mom, (sniff), Grandpa slapped me in the face.”
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Grandpa approaches:
“Stop lying or I’ll do it again!”

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Helium walks into a bar and orders water. Bartender apologizes, "Sorry sir but we're currently out of water." What does Helium do? It doesn't react.

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A woman starts chatting to a man on a subway:
"Hello my name is Margaret."
The man replies:
"Mine not."

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It’s always scary when a computer turns into a zombie. It has many mega-bites.

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What would happen if you threw blue sneakers into the Red Sea?
They would get wet.

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I never knew eggs were good for the eyes, but my cousin claims they gave him eggcelent vision.

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How can you open a banana?
With a monkey!

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What would you call a very funny mountain?
Hill Arious"

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Question: What is green and has big, sturdy wheels?
Answer: The grass. The wheels were a lie.

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Why do we consider chickens as friendly animals?
Because they lay their eggs instead of throwing them.

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What tea can vary in taste from bitter to sweet?
Realitea.

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You’ll never believe whom I saw yesterday! Everybody I laid my eyes on!

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Two grains of sand go through the desert. One to the other:
"I have the feeling somebody is watching me."

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Oh, they were laughing when I told them I’m becoming a stand-up comedian. Well, ha! They’re not laughing now!

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What would Bears become without Bees?
Just ears.

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