Bad Jokes

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If I were to choose between dating and eating a soup – I think I’d rather eat the soup. Not much point in dating it.

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What is yellow and smells of bananas? Ape vомiт.

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A horse goes into a bar.
Barkeeper:
"Why such a long face?"

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At the movies:
“Sorry we’re all sold out down to the last place.”
“Excellent, I’ll have the last place then.”

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What is a cannibal’s natural first choice in a restaurant?
The waiter.

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A guy orders at a bakery, "I'd like 19 buns please."
The baker suggests, "I think you should take 20, sir."
"Why?" asks the man, puzzled.
The baker replies,
"That way, you would have one more!"

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What is yellow and black and flies?
A group of mustard seeds in leather jackets!

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When a тамроn and a sanitary pad are competing at the races, which of them is going to win?
The pad! The тамроn keeps tripping on the string.

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What is the difference between a soccer star and a bank robber?
The bank robber goes, “Give me the money or I shoot!”
The soccer star goes, “Give me the money or I don’t shoot!”

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What is black and white and waits on the washing line?
A fly in a wedding dress.

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Dad to his son:
" I have nothing against us sharing an opinion, as long as it means that I keep my opinion and you share mine."

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What is the difference between an eggplant and a chicken?
They're both purple, except for the chicken.

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When I’m bored, I imitate everybody.
But that’s no way for an adult to behave.
But that’s no way for an adult to behave.
Come on, stop being sтuрid.
Come on, stop being sтuрid.

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A drummer and a bass player jump off a skyscraper – Boom Boom.

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How did Моsеs cut the sea in half?
With a seasaw.

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Men are from Mars.
Women are from Venus.
Cows are from the Moooooooooon.

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The last 4 letters in the word "queue" are silent. Can they be waiting their turn?

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Isn’t it funny that when boats get sick, they actually go to the doc(k)?

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