Boob Jokes

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“Janet across the road has just called me in and showed me her тiтs, ” I said to my wife.
“WHAT! I’ll fuскing кill her, ” she yelled, and stormed out of the house.
Oh dear, I hope she doesn’t damage her aviary!

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My wife thinks I look like a philosopher at the beach; staring off into the distance contemplating life.
What I’ve actually done is spotted some тiтs.

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I’ve just seen a girls Facebook status:
324562FF ……. Add me xxx
I fuскing will, your тiтs sound amazing xxx

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I met my girlfriend’s father on my own for the first time last night.
“So Dave,” he said smiling, “What do you honestly think of my daughter?”
“Definitely a 7 out of 10,” I replied, “The face isn’t all that, but she has тiтs like a роrn star.”
“Are you fuскing being serious?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said handing him my phone, “Take a look if you don’t believe me.”

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I’ve been shаgging a set of twins for a couple months. People have asked me how hard it is to tell them apart, but it is actually quite easy. … You see, Caroline is a redhead with an amazing pair of тiтs, and Frank has a соск.

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I met a girl in the park last night. We got chatting, and things were going well, so I thought I’d try my luck.
I said, “Simon says take your top off.” Off it came.
“Simon says take off your вrа.” Out came the тiтs.
After I’d groped them for a while, I said, “Simon says get nакеd and bend over.”
I fuскеd her hard up the аrsе and came inside her. I then pulled up my pants and walked one way, as she ran off the other way, screaming.
It’s great having a knife called Simon.

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To the tune of Gloria Gaynors: I will survive
I pulled a girl
She pulled me back
She said I want you
I need you in the sack
Oh I wаnк so many times
It’s almost like a crime
You will be mine
I will send shivers down your spine
So we went back
Got into bed
She yanked my pants down
She started to give me head
I fiddled with her tits
Ran my fingers by her clit
A gob of spit
Inserted myself a little bit
And then I thrust
Deep in and out
She moaned a little
And then she started to shout
Ow stop stop stop please
I’m beginning to bleed
“I’ll sew my seed
Down there between your knees”
No I won’t stop
Or walk out the door
You’re such a slag
Your legs are wider than a whоrе’s
You’ve been fuскеd so many times
You’ve started to bleed inside
And now you’ve died
Now I need somewhere to hide
Did I do that?
Now she’s gone cold
But do I fuск her
Before she starts growing mould?
I may not like the taste
But let’s not let good рussy go to waste
Give her a good baste
Then put her in a suitcase
And then I ran
Down to the lake
Hurry up now
Before people start to wake
And now I can sympathise
With the rарisт in disguise
They’re just good guys
With the devil in their flies

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A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father and stands next to him eating a cake whilst he’s having his hair cut.
The barber smiles at her and says “You’re going to get some hair on your muffin!”
The little girl replies “Yes I know and I’m going to get тiтs as well!”

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I was walking past the church on Sunday morning when the vicar turned to me and said, “Love your neighbour.”
I said, “Me too - cracking pair of тiтs!”share

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I was sitting down chatting to a girl in the pub last night.
One thing led to another and before I knew it I was groping her тiтs.
She said, “Everybody is looking, do you want to go somewhere a little more private?”
I thought, “You кinкy вiтсh” as I slipped two fingers into her fаnny.

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My mate said to me, “If you had to choose, what would you prefer. Massive тiтs or a round peachy аrsе?”
I said, “It would have to be a round peachy аrsе. I would look ridiculous with massive тiтs.”

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I can tell you from experience, it’s never a good idea to be completely honest when filling out a job application form.
For example; where it says, ‘Likes/ Dislikes’, it’s not a good idea to write, ‘Big тiтs/ Pakis’.

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