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Exercise
... Ex... Er... Cise...
... Ex... Ar.. Size
... Eggs... Ar... Sides...
For Bacon..
Bacooooooooon.

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People are really strange. When you scream in a library they tell you to shut up but when you do it on an airplane everyone joins in.

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Q. What do you call a graffiti artist who‘s impotent?
A. Blanksy.

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Someone gave me a book about Procrastination. I'll read it sometime later.

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Just bought a copy of International Cricket 2014 for my Xbox, but the disc is broken.
I’m looking for a Ракi now, I’ve heard they’re fсuкing good at fixing cricket games

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Inventor of the piano………. Tables are too quiet.

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When people run around and around in circles, we say they are crazy...
When planets do it, we say they are orbiting.

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What is another name for a happy farmer?
A jolly rancher.

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Did you hear about the shoe factory that burnt down? Two hundred soles were lost.

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The patient staggered to the pharmacy counter flinching.
“Say, would you give me something for my head?” The pharmacist looked up.
“Why? What would I do with it?”

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Three drunк guys get in a cab and the cab driver notices that they are wasted so he starts the car and then shuts it off to mess with the three of them.
The First guy says thanks and pays him the second dose the same the third one slaps him. The driver thinks he knows until he shouts WATCH YOUR SPEED NEXT TIME... you nearly killed us!!...

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The definition of "mixed feelings" is watching your mother-in-law drive your new Mercedes off a cliff.

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(Client) No one understands me!
(Counselor) Why not?
(Client) It’s much like Newton’s third law of motion! The problem is the general derivation of the тhrusт equation forces pertaining to cognitive exchanges fail to achieve a proportional cohesion to the value of any given communicable sum. Do you know what I mean?
(Counselor) No…

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Overheard: Bill Gates talking with one of his financial advisor's...
Bill says,
"You did what with my 150 million dollars? I said Snapple, not Apple!"

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Explorer walking in the Amazon Rain Forest comes across a clearing with a dead 60ft dinosaur and a hunter sat astride it. He asks the hunter, "Who killed the dinosaur?"
"I did,” replied the hunter.
"How did you кill it?"
"With my club.”
The Explorer was astonished, so he inquired, "How big is your club then?"
The hunter answered, "There are about 400 of us now."

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Definition of Askhole - Someone who always asks for your advice but does the opposite of what you say.

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The mailperson rings the doorbell and as says: I have a parcel here, but the name on its obliterated.
Smiths says: Can’t be for me, then. My name is Smiths.

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Yesterday, my mum asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party.
That’s when I realised he was the favourite twin.

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