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I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning.
Damn, I love being a sniper

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If someone calls you, reply with this “Hi this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?

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Why do orphans only have 363 days of the year? They Dont Have mothers or fathers day.

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I kicked a soccer ball at a wheelchair kid and said ROCKET LEAGUE

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Whats the one thing me and the new years ball have in common
Its not gonna be the only thing falling 50 stories this new years

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A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a viаgrа. “Why in the world do you want that?” She asked him. He looks at her and says, “Well that’s what you gift dad when his shiт won’t get hard.”

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How do you help a constipated person?
U scare the shiт out of them

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What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit i forgot but they’re both locked in my cellar right now.

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Roses are red shiт is brown get that diск out my аss so we can go to town

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A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it:
Doctor: I have good news and bad news
Guy" Whats the bad news
Doc: They replaced your toe with a piece of candy
Guy: Good news?
Doc: You now have tic tac toe

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What do you call a соw with no toes
Lac-toes intolerant

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Broke my toenail yesterday, I’m now presenting you puns/jokes:

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Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:
“And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith’s telephone number on the door of the girl’s toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4.”

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Adam and Eve were sitting on the beach one day and Eve says to Adam let’s go for a swim. Adam replies I’m not in the mood. She says ok I will go by myself. She puts her toes in the water and splashes around and says the water is beautiful come in and Adam replies na still not in the mood. Eve wade’s into the water until she gets to her waist. Adam jumps up and yells at Eve standing waist deep and says Oh No now all the fish are gonna smell like that.

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Me: What did one toilet say to the other?
You: What?
Me: You look flushed!

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What do Time Clocks like to play?
Tick Tock Toe.

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Why did the cowboi die wit his boots on?? He didn’t want to stub his toe when he kicked da bucket👌🏻👌🏻… knee slapper

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Whats ur favorite footnite location? mine is tilted toers

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