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I used to really hate my beard but then it grew on me.

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Don't ever hit a guy with glasses, you could get sued...
Instead, try hitting him with paper cups...
It won't hurt him, but at least you made your point.

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I can’t wait till the app ‘Grand Theft Auto Go’ comes out.

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If it's not related to elephants... it's irrelephant.

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I wanted to make an amnesia joke but I forgot it

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Guys, stop with the меnsтruатiоn jokes... Period.

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Thought of making an аnаl joke.
Butt fuск it.

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At the diner, my breakfast arrived with only three sausages instead of the usual four. The waitress explained that the cook had dropped one and was making another.
Soon the cook dashed out of the kitchen. "Here you are," he announced. "It's the missing link!"

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In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

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When I think of books, I touch my shelf.

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Darth Vader once made cookies, but they were a little on the dark side.

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I call myself a shark because I can swim and my grades are below C level

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Spent the whole of last night sitting in bed thinking about the sun and where it comes from …. and then it dawned on me.

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There was once a couple . The husband was addicted to smoking and drinking. One day his wife got so angry she told him.'IF YOU KEEP SMOKING ALL OF YOUR INTESTINES WILL FALL OUT'. The husband did not believe her.
The wife had to prove herself right . So one day, she bought some pig intestines early in the morning and stuffed it up her husbands underwear.
When her husband woke up, she heard a scream. Then, after 30 minutes no sound. But after an hour her husband cane down sweating. The wife said,"what happened?.'Its true, my intestines did come out,but luckily I pushed them back in.

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There once was a guy from Capri, who tried to рее over a tree , he peed so high it fell in his eye, now the poor c*nt cant see.

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Lets have a toast for the bread winners

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What do brokeback mountain and the Dallas Cowboys have in common?
They both have cowboys that suск.

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I thought i got a type a in blood test but it was actually a typ-o

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