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A tourist stopped a local in a village he was visiting and asked; “what is the quickest way to the lake? The local thought for a while. “Are you walking or driving?” he asked the tourist. “I’m driving.” “That is the quickest way!” the local said.

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My pals called me stingy so I decided to buy them a вееr.
Turns out they wanted one each.

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You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

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Just been out for a run. Sure, it was a вееr run but I was still sweating by the end.

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A straight eyed and cross eyed guy bump into each other, and the cross eyed guy said to the straight eyed guy.
“Why don’t you look where you are going?"
The straight eyed guy responded to the cross eyed guy.
“Why don’t you go where you are looking?"

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Rate this plzs my brother made so this if we dont get 2 kick аss rates he gonna beat the hеll at me

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A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the M25. Motorists have been asked to be on the lookout for 15 hardened criminals.

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The government is so sтuрid for having multiple life sentences ... Its like yea if you manage to live through one life time... we'll get your аss in the next one. That makes bout much sense as sterilizing lethal injection needles.

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"Home Maintenance".... By Duane Pipe
"Growing up in the Balkans"..... By Hugo Slavia
"Irish Winter Tales"..... By Pete Moss
"Increase Your Brain Power".... By Sarah Bellum
"Looking Into the Wishing Well".... By Eileen Dover
"How to Write a Mystery Novel".... By Page Turner
"Winning Big"..... By Jack Potts
"Vacation Spot in the Tropics".... By Sandy Beech
"I Always Enjoy the Darkness".... By Gladys Knight

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Romeo and Juliet is my favorite story about how when you fall in love, it's best to just кill yourself.

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No one wished me a happy birthday today, not even my parents. But that makes sense considering it's not even my birthday yet.

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The truth is out there; it just hasn't been indexed well.

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Daer egnlihs taecher,
As lnog as the fisrt and lsat lertter are the smae you can sitll raed tihs
Sincrely,
Sellping is not taht imopratnt

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Why does Batman wear a mask?
Because the citizens of Gotham aren’t morons, like those idiots over in Metropolis.

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Bubba and Johnny Ray, two good ole boys from North Carolina, were sitting' on the front porch drinking вееr when a large truck hauling rolls and rolls of sоd went by.
"I'm gonna do that when I win the lottery," said Bubba.
"Do what?" asked Johnny Ray.
"Send my grass out to be mowed," answered Bubba.

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How can you make a hankerchief more lively?
Put a little boogey in it.

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During a bank heist the Chief told the Sgt. to cover all exits so the robbers could not get away. Later the Sgt. reports to the chief. “Sorry sir but they got away.”
The chief very disappointed says, “I told you to cover all Exist.”
"I did” replied the Sgt. but they got away through the Entrance"

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The only thing worse than finding out you were given up for adoption would be finding out it was Rick Astley who gave you up!

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