Chocolate Jokes

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Men are like... Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

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Chuck Norris made sick the healthy chocolate.

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A little boy was taken to the dentist. It was discovered that he had a cavity that would have to be filled.
"Now, young man," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?"
"Chocolate, please," replied the youngster.

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There were two security guards who worked on opposite shifts, but looked after the same building.
Over a period of a year, the night shift security guard noticed that his opposite was putting on weight.
So one evening at shift change, the night shift security guard says to the day shift security guard "Hey buddy, you aint half gettin fат".
To which the day shift guard replies "Yeah, that's because every time I shаg your wife she gives me a chocolate biscuit".

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"Why are you studying your Easter candy?"
"I'm trying to decide which came first-the chocolate chicken or the chocolate egg!"

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A blonde walks in the ice cream parlor and orders a chocolate ice cream cone.
The clerk tells her that he has no chocolate ice cream, only vanilla and strawberry.
The blonde then orders a pint of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk once again tells her he has no chocolate ice cream, just vanilla and strawberry.
The blonde then orders a quart of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk once again tells her he has no chocolate ice cream, only vanilla and strawberry.
The blonde then orders a half gallon of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk then asks her how she spells van as in vanilla.
She says, V-A-N.
He then asks her how she spells straw as in strawberry.
She says, S-T-R-A-W
He then asks her how she spells fuск as in chocolate.
After a while she says there is no fuск in chocolate.
THATS WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU

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A man visits his aunt in the nursing home.
It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.
Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts.
"I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!"
"That’s okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I’ve suскеd the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway."

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What do you call кinкy sеx with chocolate?
S&M&M.

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What do you call a black guy in a coffin?
A box of chocolate.

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Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.

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Q: What do you get when you mix chocolate and Viаgrа?
A: Oooh - Henry!

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If kim kardashian was a donut wat kind would she be?
Chocolate filled

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A Mexican, white guy, and a black guy all go to hеll and the devil told them that if they can walk across his hand without burning in flames, then he will give them a second life on earth.
The white guy was really confident...first step, he caught a fire a disappeared.
The Mexican, nervously токе the first step and noticed that he wasn't dead, he took a couple more steps and disappeared.
The black guy started walking and made it all the way across without burning to flames.
Satan was shocked and asked him how he did it and the black guy replied "chocolate melts in your mouth not your hands"

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What are Women Really Thinking?
So many men, so few who can afford me.
Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich.
Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
Guys have feelings too, But ... who cares?
And your point is?
Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

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Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
A: 100. One to make the batter and 99 to сrаск the shells on the M&Ms.

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Remember your wife is a romantic who still loves flowers and chocolates.
Show her you remember as well by referring to them occasionally.

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A policeman is driving along the road when he gets an urgent message on his radio telling him there has been a dead body found in an ice cream van just down the road.
He rushes to the scene where he discovers a man's body, with chocolate flakes up each nostril, raspberry sauce all over his head and he is covered from head to toe in hundreds of thousands of sprinkles.
A puzzled onlooker asks the policeman what he thinks has happened, to which the policeman replies:
"It looks like he's topped himself."

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The Dove Bar's like an 80-pound wаd of chocolate on a toothpick.
If you're not careful when you take it out of the package, you'll snap your wrists.

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