Coffee jokes

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Why are all Jewish men required to make a good cup of coffee?
Because according to the Torah, He Brews!

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Someone stole my coffee cup from work today.
I’m just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots.

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How does one bad cup of coffee end a marriage?
One person thinks it’s grounds for divorce.

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What did the barista’s Valentine say?
I can’t espresso my love for you.

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What’s the technical name for a рот of coffee at work?
Break fluid.

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A factory worker died today after falling into a vat of coffee. Police say that although it came as a shock to all who knew him, they may take some relief from the fact he didn’t suffer.
It was instant.

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What’s fат, hairy, and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!

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Soup of the day: Coffee.
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
Sanka.

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What did the Brazilian coffee say to the Indonesian coffee?
“What’s Sumatra with you?”

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I’m about to have a dangerous cup of coffee…
Safe tea first, though.

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Every morning, I see this exhausted woman who looks like she would мurdеr someone for a cup of coffee.
I really should move that mirror.

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Why should you be wary of 5-cent espresso?
It’s a cheap shot.

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A tall blonde walks into Starbucks. The barista says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”
The blonde says, “You have a drink named Tiffani?”

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Why shouldn’t you discuss coffee in polite company?
It can make for a strong and heated debate.

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Why did the espresso keep checking his watch?
Because he was pressed for time.

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I just got myself a top of the range coffee maker.
It has a lot of perks.

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A guy walks into a cafe and orders a coffee to go.
The coffee gets up and leaves.

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What currency can we use to buy coffee in space?
S T A R B U C K S.

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