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  2. Communication Jokes

Communication Jokes

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When teacher entered the class little Jonny slowly said: "Sir excuse me; your zipper is open."
So the teacher thanked him and fastened his zipper.
He went near little Jonny and told him: "My dear it would better to say: the office door is open."
Next day when the teacher entered the class, unfortunately, his zipper was again open!
Little Jonny loudly shouted: "Not only the office door is open but also the teacher is at the door and two small students are beside him."
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Сотрудница отдела продаж Un vendedor Un rappresentante Een boekhouder El vendedor Doi angajati ai unei firme se afla in biroul sefului Pardavėjas
The sales chief, the HR chief, and the boss are on their way to lunch around the corner.
They detour through an alley and stumble on a beat up but valuable looking brass container.
The sales chief picks it up and starts cleaning it with his handkerchief.
Suddenly, a genie emerges out of a curtain of purple smoke.
The genie is grateful to be set free and offers them each a wish.
The HR chief is wide-eyed and ecstatic.
She says, "I want to be living on a beautiful beach in Jamaica with a sailboat and enough money to make me happy for the rest of my life."
Poof! She disappears.
The sales chief says, "Wow! I want to be happily married to a wealthy supermodel with penthouses in New York, Paris, and Hong Kong."
Presto, he vanishes.
"And how about you?" asks the Genie, looking at the boss.
The boss scowls and says, "I want both those idiots back in the office by 2 PM."
Moral: Always let your boss speak first.
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Me: "Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know."
Waiter: "I asked if you were dining alone."
Me: "Oh, sorry. Yes."
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Dirty Raggedy Ann Pinocchio and Raggedy Ann Schneewittchen trifft Pinocchio Πινόκιο Τι λέει η χιονάτη στο πινόκιο ενώ κάθεται στην μύτη του; Срещнала Марийка Понокио и започнала да го моли: На някои девойки им харесваше ¿Qué le dice Caperucita Roja a Pinocho mientras están haciendo un 69?. - Зошто Снежана била избркана од Дизни? Idzie Czerwony Kapturek przez las i widzi Pinokia. Łapie go za szmaty Snövit har fått sparken från Disney - Varför fick Snövit sparken från Disney? - Dom hittade henne över Pinocchios näsa Rotkäppchen hüpft durch den Wald und ist total geil.Da sieht sie Pinoccio durch den Wald gehen. Plötzlich stürmt sie auf ihn los - Бреши! - Кричала Мальвіна Blanche Neige a été virée de Disneyland... Motif invoqué par la Direction :  'S'est mise assise sur le nez de Pinocchio et lui a demandé de dire des mensonges' Некоторым девочкам нравилось Деяким дівчатам подобалося La fata turchina sta facendo il bagno nella vasca. – Pinocchio portami una saponetta ! – grida non trovandola. Pinocchio scivola e cade nella vasca con la faccia davanti alla figa della fata. La... Geht Rotkäppchen dir den Wald und ist so richtig geil. Trifft sie Ponocchio Biancaneve è stata cacciata dal regno delle favole...è stata pizzicata davanti al naso di pinocchio..nuda...dicendo: "nega bastardo nega!!!"
Q: What did Snow White say to Pinocchio when she was sitting on his face?
A: "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
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My girlfriend said she wanted a perfect holiday, so I had to stay home!
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When I arrived at a hotel in order to fill in my identities I noticed the word "sеx" so I wrote: YES PLEASE.
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Can you repeat this sentence 3 times without stammering?
3 witches watch 3 Swatch watches; which witch watches which Swatch watches?
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Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers?
A: Because after they die, they lie still.
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Q: Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock?
A: Time will tell.
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Calling for information about one of my credit cards, I got the following recorded prompt: "Please enter your account number as it appears on your card or statement."
I did as instructed, and the system said, "Please enter your five-digit ZIP code."
After I put that in, I got a third message: "If you would like your information in English, press one."
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Me using the Siri app on my iPhone:
Me: "Siri, call my wife."
Siri: "Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts."
Me: "Samantha Gibbs is my wife."
Siri: "I've added Samantha Gibbs as your wife."
Me: "Call my wife."
Siri: "Which wife?"
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A photon is checking into a hotel and the bellhop asks him "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
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Little Johnny's father farted.
The son asked his father: "What was that?"
His father said: "My sweet that is 'north wind'"
When he went to school the teacher asked the class: "Who knows the direction of the north wind?
Little Johnny shouted: "My daddy's аss!"
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One day little Johnny was playing on his push car that u sit on and push with your feet.
His looked like a bus, and as such he was the bus driver.
Little Johnny would drive a little, stop, and say "all you mother fuскеrs that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuскеrs that want to get off, get off."
His mother was in the kitchen and thought surely I didn't hear him correctly.
But then once again, little Johnny stopped and said "all you mother fuскеrs that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuскеrs that want t o get off, get off."
So him mom came running out and told her young son he was to go to his room 'till he learned to play right.
About 20 minutes later Johnny came out to play.
Be reassured his mom he learned his lesson.
So, back on his bus, he began driving around again.
He stopped and said "all you nice people that want to get off, get off. And all you nice people that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuскеrs that want to know why I'm late, ask the вiтсh in the kitchen.
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Little Johnny is sitting in class, the teacher is going over vocabulary words.
She asks the class to use a word in a sentence.
The teacher says the word is "contagious".
Johnny is waving his arm up and down, no other students have their arm up.
The teacher figures there is no way Johnny can come up something rude for this word, and she calls his name to use the word in a sentence.
Johnny says the other day, my dad and I were driving down the freeway and woman was painting a billboard, she was using a very small brush.
The teacher says "what does this have to do the word contagious?"
Johnny says "my dad turned to me and said: 'Son it is going to take that "сunт-ages" to paint that billboard with that little brush!'"
The teacher says, "never again!"
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When our air conditioner broke down, we called for a serviceman to come and take a look at it.
It turned out to be a high school classmate of my husband's named Love.
He said next time we needed any repairs to ask for him.
The next year when we needed service again, we requested Mr. Love.
I took the day off from work and waited for him to arrive.
After he had worked on our air conditioner, he left his work order behind.
It had my name and said: "Wants Love in afternoon."
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Did you hear about the two females who were watching a blonde walk by?
The first one said, "I wonder whether she's a natural blonde or a bleached blonde."
Her friend said, "She's a suicide blonde."
The other said, "Suicide blonde? What's that?"
The friend said, "Dyed by her own hand!"
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"Hey Bill... Do you talk to your wife while you are having sеx?"
"Only if there's a phone handy", Bill replied.
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