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God: ok so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look like from being born to preteen.
Satan:(slides in) I’ll take over for you pops.
God: I dunno…. This is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm…I’m still not-(Gets a call on his phone) shoot I got to take this. (Answers call) don’t touch anything Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:…….(just touches lightly and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God:(rushes in) WHAT THE FUСК DID YOU DO?!?!
God:(tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) fuск me………
God:….(sighs) fine it’ll stay. We’ll just call it…. Puberty
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Stephen Hawking died because he accidentaly lost his bluetooth connection
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What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
A “glad-he-ate-her”.
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I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.
Idiot: The moon landing was faked! So unbelievable fake!
Me: You believe in the moon? Stupidass.
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Me walking in to the office:
Principle: tell me what u did?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was a end portal…
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I asked my girlfriend if he wanted to join my family tree… She dropped the rope and ran
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A guy finds a genie…
He says, “I wish I was better at talking to women.”
“Рооf!” the genie says, “You’re gаy!”
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You travel to the past into the era where julius caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?¨
You reply with: ¨Surrounded by friends¨
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Why are we depressed,
Is it because that bully in your school,
Or that you have acne,
How about when you listen to you sad song playlist,
Maybe cause you have no friends,
Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake. T^T
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What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?
A cliffhanger.
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Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide
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You know when you sign up for something and it says im not a robot guess he never had the chance to tick that
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I am a failure to everyone and decided to attemp a suicide, guess what? I failed
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Guess Stephens batteries died
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Spongebob is yellow, and he can’t drive.
Must be Asian.
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Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make em, we scrape em. No fetus can beat us.
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Why are Trump’s ties so long?
Because they go all the way to Russia.
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One day Nathan came in ten minutes late to Mr Jones’s class. Mr Jones asked him, “Nathan, what do you have to say for yourself?” Nathan says,
"Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill. Then Dave came in a further ten minutes late to Mr Jones’s class. Mr Jones asked him, “Dave, what do you have to say for yourself?” Dave says,
"Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill. Then Mike came in a further ten minutes late to Mr Jones’s class. Mr Jones asked him, “Mike, what do you have to say for yourself?” Mike says,
"Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill. Then five minutes later a new girl walked in to Mr Jones’s lesson. Mr Jones is at the end of his tether now and says, “Who are you and why are you late?” The new girl says, “Sir, I’m called Cherry Hill”
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