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I have mixed drinks about feelings.
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Бъди приятел с глупави хора
Be friend with sтuрid people. Feel like a genius all the time.
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I live for two reasons:
1. I was born
2. I haven't died yet
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Мозъчните клетки идват и си отиват
Brain cells come and go, but fат cells live forever!
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- Hey Baby.
- Hi too, How's you?
- Am fine ... Could you please send me 15k?
- 15k?! For what?!
- 5k for my clothes, 7k for my hair+nails and 3k for my shoes.
- It's ok my love ... Take it:
k k k k k k k k k k k k k k k
Count it, its complete and take extra 2k, k k. That's for your perfume.
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Dear Girls,
We like you for your brains, not your body.
Sencerely,
Zombies
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Nobody texts faster than a рissеd off female
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Not sure if loud sеx or exorcism
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Един дядо имал голяма ферма в Луизиана.
Κροκόδειλοs
Некој човек имаја рибник на викендицу
Австралійський фермер підійшов до ставка й побачив
Одному пожилому человеку из Флориды в течении многих лет принадлежала ферма.
Een boerke besluit te gaan zwemmen in een meertje op zijn land. Hij neemt een emmer mee
Un día un granjero cruza por su plantación con una cubeta a recoger algunas frutas
Um velho fazendeiro tinha uma enorme fazenda há anos. Na fazenda tinha nos fundos um bonito lago todo bem arrumado com um carra machão à sua margem... Nele havia uma bela churrasqueira
Een van de meiden roept: "We komen er niet uit voordat jij weg bent!" De oude man aarzelt niet en roept terug: "Ik ben niet gekomen om naar jullie te kijken of om jullie uit de vijver te...
Egy ausztrál farmer vödörrel a kezében elindul a közeli gyümölcsösébe
An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years.
The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond and look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all swam to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, - We're not coming out until you leave!
The old man frowned,
- I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim nакеd or make you get out of the pond nакеd. - Holding the bucket up he said,
- I'm just here to feed the alligator.
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Ein Tscheche beim Augenarzt
Един поляк във Великобритания отива да изкарва книжка.
Полски имигрант в Щатите ще си вади шофьорска книжка.
Un ophtalmo installe son client devant un tableau recouvert de lettres de grosseur décroissante. - Pouvez-vous lire ceci ? lui demande-t-il en désignant une ligne ou est inscrit : BRZEMYSLWXIKSI. -...
Kommt ein Tscheche zum Augenarzt. Der hält ihm die Buchstabentafel vor
Een Tsjech komt bij de oogarts Die wijst op een kaart aan de muur met deze regel: C Z W X N Q S T A C Z "Kunt U dit lezen?" vraagt hij. "Lezen?" vraagt de Tsjech
Ein Pole kommt zum Augenarzt für einen Führerscheinsehtest. Der Augenarzt lässt den Polen die Buchstabeltafel an der Wand ablesen auf der steht: J A B L C Z Y N S K I Der Augenarzt frägt: Können...
Um imigrante polonês está fazendo exame de vista para obter carteira de motorista. O examinador lhe mostra um cartão com as seguintes letras: C Z J W I N O S T A C Z O examinador pergunta: — Você...
A Polish man goes to the eye doctor... A Polish man goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters: C z y n q s t a s z The Optometrist asks „Can you read this?” „Read...
Egy lengyel bevándorló az USA-ban bemegy az Állami Közlekedési Hivatalba
Čehs aiziet pie acu ārsta. Ārsts noliek viņam priekšā tāfeli ar burtiem "C Z W X N Q Y S T A C Z" un jautā: "Vai varat izlasīt?" "Izlasīt?"
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
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Бактерия
Bacteria, The only culture some people have
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Make love, not war. - Неll, do both GET MARRIED!
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- Do you know a good GDPR consultant?
- Yes.
- Can you give me his e-mail address?
- No.
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Всичко е относително. Ето например потъването на Титаник е било чудо за лобстер-а от корабната кухня
Все относительно. Потопление "Титаника" было чудом для лобстера
В жизни все относительно. Например
Das Versinken der Titanic muss wie ein Wunder für die Hummer in der Küche gewesen sein.
Im Leben geht es um die Perspektive. Als die Titanik sank
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.
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A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue.
Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice.
"Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."
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I love nothing more than sitting in front of a warm fire, wine in hand, singing songs until I fall asleep.
It's probably the main reason I'm no longer a firefighter.
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