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Three hunters were walking in the woods one night when they came across a set of tracks.
"Those are bear tracks." The first hunter said.
"Those are deer tracks." The second hunter said.
"No, they're fox tracks. The third hunter argued.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.

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When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

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I was thinking of trying to find my watch I could never find time

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What do you call meat made in the wrong factory?
A misteak!

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The lovers wore the exact same shoes...
Naturally, they were solemates.

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My bank balance is like a мidgет in a marathon. It's running a little short.

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My new years resolution is not to shovel snow...
Since I'm moving to Phoenix Arizona, I feel pretty good about it.

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What if you started making car alarm noises every time someone you don't like touched you?

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A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn’t improve. …
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Rehearsal was underway and the exasperated conductor - before the whole orchestra - said, “When a musician just can’t handle his instrument and doesn’t improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer.”
A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: “And if he can’t handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor.”

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Today, of course, being college-bred means being a loaf for four years

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What's a Mexican's favourite fragrance?
Taco Rabanne

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Sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway.
On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile.
Then the foreman asked Sardar why he kept painting less each day?
He replied, “I just can’t do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can.”

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Run to the Round House Nellie...
They can't CORNER you there!

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How do you get off a non-stop flight?

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Why is a вrа singular and раnтiеs plural?

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Mickey Mouse gives me Disney spells.

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Apparently Atheism is a non-prophet organization

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Things not to say during a fight to your blind lover.
Why can't you see the damage you've caused?
It's an eye for an eye nowadays.

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