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Fred and DooDah go to their favorite lake to fish.
After getting out on the water, DooDah hooks a huge fish, which pulls him overboard, and he drowns. Fred is brokenhearted and goes to tell DooDah's wife the news. She opens the door and hears Fred say, "Guess who drowned in the lake today? DooDah! DooDah!"

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What do you call a cave-dwelling virgin?
Never Bin Laidon

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Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones?
Because they're hand made.

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An apple and a black person both fall off a tree at the exact same time who hits the ground first?
The apple because the rope catches the black person.

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What's the best way to pick up a Jewish girl?
Bring a dustpan to Auschwitz

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Q: Did you hear about the dead lawyer who was too big to fit in a coffin?
A: They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.

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This was a really, really big year for me.
I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults' table. That's 'cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.

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Q: What's a polygon?
A: A dead parrot.

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Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve?
A: I haven't seen you for a year!

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What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law?
There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.

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I gas the only problem I have with the wold now is all the deutchbags.

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A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"

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What did the dead dog say to its owner.
Nothing. It's dead..

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"My son, this is your senior year at school so your mom and I decided that you’re going to be a doctor."
"But what are you saying dad? You know very well that I’m not in a position even to... кill a mosquito."

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Why did little Billy fall off the swing?
Because he got hit by a microwave.

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How many dead babies does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.

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One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor:
- Help me, please. I have a knife in my back.
The doctor, looking his watch says:
- Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you.
Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8.
- But tomorrow morning I will be dead. You must help me now.
The doctor, angrily says:
- I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you.
You must pass here tomorrow.
- But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead.
Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back.
The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye.
- Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.

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The other day a friend and myself decided to try out an aerobics video because we were both feeling very unfit.
We put the tape in and started to copy the movements.
After a few minutes we had chopped each other's arms off with chain-saws.
It was only then that we realized that I had accidentally put "Рsyсhо Killers III" in the video by mistake!
How we laughed!!!!

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