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Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving

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"Why are you so quiet?"
Me: "Well, nobody plans a мurdеr out loud, do they?"

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The real reason women will never be the ones to propose:
As soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants.

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After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!

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Knock, knock;
Who is there?
Love;
Love who?
U, U, U!

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I was walking through the cemetery the other day when a thought crossed my mind.
Call me a sentimental old fool if you like, but I couldn't resist it.
I texted my ex saying 'wish you were here'.

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Knock,Knock,
Who is there?
Pen!
Pen who?
is...

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A daughter wakes up at 3 a.m. and asks her mother:
"Mummy, tell me a fairy-tale."
"Daddy will get back soon and he will tell both of us a fairy tale..."

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I bet Rosa Parks killed in musical chairs.

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What do you call a girl who does not маsтurвате?
A liar

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What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of children.

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Q: What's faster than the speed of light?
A: A jew passing Germany.

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What do women and Slinkies have in common?
Not really too much, but you can't help but сrаск a smile when one tumbles down the stairs.

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Roses are red
violets are blue
I have 5 fingers
the middle one for you.

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Let me tell you why I hate Valentine's Day -- 'cause a few years ago, on Valentine's night, I thought I would have a nice, romantic evening in with a lady. But little did I know, that that same night, her ex-boyfriend thought he would try to win her heart back. And, being the sweet, romantic guy that he is, he thought the best way to do this would be to get all coked up and then jump through a window and try to мurdеr me.

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A man walks into a bar.
He is an alcoholic and is ruining his family.

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How do u get a baby to stop crawling in circles?
Nail its other hand to the floor.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub?
17.

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