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- Мамо
“Mommy, there’s something wrong with the bunny…”
“Shush, child, please leave the oven door closed.”
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A message for the kidnappers of my mother-in-law:
“Pshah! The pinkie is insufficient as proof! I need more evidence!”
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Supermarket cashiers must be really doubly traumatized if they land in ICU – beep, beep, beep...
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Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
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Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go that far!
- Yeah, the catapult is really amazing. Go get our daughter!
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My вuтт hair is so long, it made it to the Guinness Book of Records.
Not for long though. They threw me out of the library pretty quickly.
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Lena: “Darling, I really think it’s time we got another baby.”
Charles: “Oh I’m quite relieved you said that. The one we have is a real pain in the neck!”
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Little Johnny and his father are in Ikea. Little Johnny ask loudly: “I need to рiss. I need to рiss! Please!!!”
The father is embarrassed and says,
“Please don’t yell рiss like that. Next time say that you want to sing.”
In the evening, mommy brings little Johnny and his sister to bed. She kisses them both good night, when suddenly little Johnny says,
“Mommy, I’d really like to sing.
The mother says, “I’m sorry but you can’t. Your sister’s already asleep.
“But I really need to sing”, insists Johnny.
The mother sighs, “Ok, but just very quietly into my ear”.
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What’s the difference between spinach and boogers?
Kids don’t eat spinach.
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Ловџии
Der angeschossene Passant
zwei Jäger im Wald
Πόντιοι κυνηγοί
Двама ловци си вървят в гората и единият припада.
Deux chasseurs se trouvent en forêt lorsqu’un des deux s’effondre. Il semble avoir cessé de respirer et ses yeux sont vitreux.
Redneck: Help! My buddy fell out of the deer stand I think; I think he might be dead.
Двама мъже са в гората
Два новых русских пошли на охоту. Вдруг одному из них стало плохо. Он хватается за сердце и падает на землю. Второй достает мобильный телефон и звонит в скорую. Как только там отвечают
Deux chasseurs se trouvent en forêt lorsque l'un des deux s'évanouit. L'ami appelle les urgences en panique :
Zwei Jäger gehen durch den Wald. Plötzlich bricht einer zusammen. Der andere ruft den Notarzt an: "Mein Freund ist tot. Was soll ich machen?" Der Notarzt: "Vergewissern Sie sich zuerst
Zwei Jäger gehen durch den Wald
Dois caçadores caminham na floresta quando um deles
En jägare ringer förtvivlat till 112 och säger att han råkade skjuta sin jaktkompis i ryggen. - Hjälp
Zwei Jäger befinden sich im Wald
İskoçyada iki avcı ava çıkarlar.Yürüme esnasında avcılardan biri yere düşer ve hareketsiz olarak yatar.Bunu gören arkadaşı hemen yanına gelir bakarki arkadaşı nefes almıyor
Det var två norrmän som var ute och jagade. Plötsligt föll den ena jägaren ihop på marken. Den andra jägaren ringde 112! - Hallå! Min jaktkompis Olle har ramlat ihop och rör sig inte! - Är han...
To jegere var på jakt i skogen da den ene av dem plutselig stupte over ende i lyngen. Det virket ikke som han pustet
Et par karer fra Trondheim var på jakt i skogen da den ene av dem plutselig stupte over ende i lyngen. Det virket ikke som han pustet
Dwaj myśliwi idą przez las. W pewnej chwili jeden z nich osuwa się na ziemię. Nie oddycha
Kaverukset olivat hirvimetsällä
Dois caçadores estão no bosque quando um deles desmaia. Não parece estar respirando e seus olhos estão vidrados. O outro homem pega o telefone e chama o serviço de emergências. Quando o operador...
Deux chasseurs avancent dans un bois quand soudain
Deux chasseurs avancent dans un bois quand soudain
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden
Deux chasseurs traquent le sanglier en fôret lorsque l'un deux s'effondre brutalement. Probablement victime d'une crise cardiaque
İki avcı ava çıkmışlar anide 1. avcı yere düşmüş 2 avcı ise hastahaneyi aramış 2. avcı:galiba arkadaşım öldü.demiş görevli:tamam ilk önce arkadaşınızın tamamen öldüğünden emin olalım demiş...
To jægere er sammen på jagt
Doi vanatori erau undeva
Una coppia di cacciatori del New Jersey sono nel bosco quando uno di loro cade a terra. Questo non sembra respirare e i suoi occhi sono assenti. L’amico chiama immediatamente i soccorsi al telefono...
Du medžiotojai eina mišku. Staiga vienas nualpo
La emergencia 171
Dois caçadores caminham pela mata
Två jägare är i skogen när en av dem plötsligt rasar ihop. Han verkar inte andas och bara ögonvitorna är synliga. Den andre tar fram sin mobil
Habian dos personas en un bosque. De repente uno de ellos se cae al suelo. El amigo llama para pedir auxilio. Cuando le contestan la persona le dice
Två jägare var ute i skogen på älgjakt
Det var två jägare som var ute i skogen. En av jägarna ramlade ihop
Temel ve Dursun dağa tırmanıyorlarmış. Dursun düşmüş ve Temel de arkasından inmiş. Hemen 112'yi aramış. Temel: "Yardım edin arkadaşım arkadaşım dağdan düştü!"demiş. 112: "Peki öldüğünden emin...
Divi jaunie krievi devās medībās. Pēkšņi vienam no viņiem paliek slikti
Følgende vits ble kåret til verdens beste vits gjennom en stor internasjonal undersøkelse i 2002 gjennom Laughlab. Vitsen skåret høyt i nesten alle land
Dva lovca idu šumom kada se jedan od njih iznenada onesvijesti. Izgledalo je kao da ne diše
C'est l'histoire de deux chasseurs qui chassent dans la forêt. L'un d'eux s'évanouit. L'autre
Deux chasseurs s'avancent dans un bois à la recherche de gibier. Subitement
Deux chasseurs marchent dans les bois lorsqu’un des deux s’effondre. Il ne semble plus respirer et ses yeux sont vitreux. Alors
Two men were hunting in the woods when
Um atendente de serviço de emergência recebe um chamado de pânico de um caçador. — Acabo de encontrar um corpo manchado de sangue na floresta! É um homem e acho que está morto! O que devo fazer ? O...
Era temporada de caça e dois caçadores tinham combinado de ir caçar juntos la na floresta eles encontram um leão os dois pensaram Carne de leão deve ser muito boa nãe é? Pois é vamos pegar ele! Um...
2 jagers lopen in het bos en plotseling valt er een op de grond en zijn ogen word doffig en rollen achter in zijn kassen. Dus die andere jager grijpt zijn mobiel en belt 112 en zegt ''MIJN VRIEND...
Bent og Ronny
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn´t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let´s make sure he´s dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
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Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving
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"Why are you so quiet?"
Me: "Well, nobody plans a мurdеr out loud, do they?"
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Ако не успеете от първия път
If at first you don’t succeed . . . so much for skydiving.
"Hvis ting ikke lykkes første gang for dig - er faldskærmsudspring ikke noget for dig."
Als het je in eerste instantie niet lukt... dan is parachutespringen absoluut niets voor jou. (credit: Steven Wright)
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
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След като жена ми умря
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
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Knock, knock;
Who is there?
Love;
Love who?
U, U, U!
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Получих СМС от бившата с текст: "БИХ ИСКАЛА ДА СИ ТУК"...
Моя бывшая жена только что снова написала мне: «Хочу
My ex texted me
I was walking through the cemetery the other day when a thought crossed my mind.
Call me a sentimental old fool if you like, but I couldn't resist it.
I texted my ex saying 'wish you were here'.
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Knock,Knock,
Who is there?
Pen!
Pen who?
is...
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Момченце се събужда някъде около три часа през нощта и започва да се върти неспокойно в леглото.
Un niño va y le dice a la madre a las 5 de la madrugada:
Lisa: "Mama
Córeczka budzi sie o trzeciej w nocy i mówi: - Mamo
A daughter wakes up at 3 a.m. and asks her mother:
"Mummy, tell me a fairy-tale."
"Daddy will get back soon and he will tell both of us a fairy tale..."
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