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What did the boy with no hands get for christmas?
Gloves!
Just kidding, I don't know what he got. He hasn't opened it yet
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there are 4 guys standing on a bridge. A chinese guy, russian guy, mexican guy, and an american guy. the chinese threw off noodles. they all asked, why did you do that? the chinese said, because we have to much of that in china. the russian guy throws off vоdка. they asked why did you do that? he replies, we have to much of that in russia. the mexican guy throws off a taco. they asked why did you do that? he says, because we have to much of that in mexico. the american…picks up the mexican, and throws him. they all asked WHY DID YOU DO THAT! the american replies, oh because we have tooooo many of "those" in america.
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Why did Sarah fall off the swings?
She had no arms.
Knock knock
Who's there
Not Sarah.
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I just read about this terrible thing that goes on in parts of the world, parts of west Africa and parts of the Middle East. A woman turns of age -- as a ritual, they cut off her сliтоris: genital mutilation. This is awful. I heard about this, I thought, 'Oh my God, no matter how much I complain about our country, I should be thankful this will never be a ritual here 'cause the men here don't know where the сliтоris is.'
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All I want for Christmas is you, lol JK, I want an iPhone 5.
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Some people have skeletons in their closet. I have a whole graveyard!
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.
The barman says, ''Is this some kind of joke?''
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how do you make a chicken cross the road?
shoot at it.
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I hate people asking for kickasses. kickass if you agree.
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As long as cocoa beans grow on trees
This is the best quote ever: Chocolate is very healthy because chocolate comes from coco beans. Coco beans come from a plant. A plant is healthy... So there you have it chocolate is very healthy.
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Give a man a plane ticket and he’ll fly for a day.
Push a man from a plane and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
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I bet you won't know this, I'm not expecting you to know, I am expecting you to read this.
Humans кill 3 sharks a second just for shark fin soup! That is if they keep it up for a whole lifetime starting as you read this (that is impossible because they would all be extinct) but if we did and you had a life of 80 years then 20,736,000 sharks would have been killed by humans just for a bowl of shark fin soup.
Shark fin soup is horrible and the shark fins only add a bit of texture. People only eat it on special occasions like weddings to make a statement.
People hook them through the skin pull them out of the water alive where they can't breathe and slice all their fins off while they are still alive! Then they just drop the rest back in the ocean the shark still alive and dropped into the water alive to drown (sharks can't breathe unless they move at a fast enough speed through the water). This is just RIDICULOUS.
Over the last 5 years only an average of 3 people were killed each year by sharks with a maximum of 4 in the highest year. In contrast we are killing close to 100 million sharks per year and most of them are simply killed for their fins to make shark fin soup, a status symbol in China. Next time you go into a Chinese restaurant and you see shark fin soup on the menu remember an animal that has almost the same life span as you died for that soup and his fins were severed from his body and the body dumped over the side. Virtually all the shark attacks happened because the shark thought the victim was either a seal (in the case of a surfer think how a surfer looks from below) or there was poor visibility in shallow water. Virtually all attacks are a single bite and the shark didnt come back for more because it didnt taste like he expected. The deaths are usually due to blood loss.
Sharks have far more to fear from us than we do from them, and if you listen to years of extensive research made by many dedicated scientists, you will press kick аss.
Thank you.
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Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passed
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Вчера намерих портмоне
I was down to my last 100 dollars. I really didn’t know what to do. So I asked myself the key question. What would Jesus do? And then I went and turned it into wine.
A woman just dropped a £20 note next to me. I thought
Az utcán sétáltam
Astazi
I found a wallet today, as a good Christian I thought "what would Jesus do?" ... so I turned it to wine.
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My favorite movie is Titanic...
...my favorite character is the ice berg.
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knock knock. orphan: whos there? not your parents
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Why are friends like balloons?
When you stab them, they die.
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Knock knock
Whos there
Boo
Boo who
Why are you sad
My wife has cancer
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