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Dark Humor

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Why did the boy fall of his bike?
Because I threw a tv at him
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Why can't santa be Asian?
Because he could never get to all the houses in the world driving 20 miles under the speed limit with both blinkers on
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Carlos has 300 candy bars. He eats 295.
What does Carlos have?
Diabetes. Carlos has diabetes
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Pastor: The devil wants to eat your happiness
Me:Then he will starve to death
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How do you make a plumber cry? Кill his family
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Why did the little girl drop her ice-cream?
She was stabbed
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How did hellen keller burn her face?
She answered a hot iron
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Meek Mill's real name is Robert Williams and Rick Ross' real name is William Roberts. There's something up with that...
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*watching t. V*
"Dominos made with real cheese"
Me:so wтf did y'all use before?
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What would happen if samara
(from the ring) is coming out of
The t. V and you change the channel Before her whole body comes out?
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Kid: Dear Santa send me a brother
Santa: Bring me your mother
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Do u know what Helen kellers house looked like?
Neither did she
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Kickass if you are sick of these роор and -Tucker jokes
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I miss New York. I miss the subways, believe it or not. So, what I do is I have a tape recording of just the sound of the subway, and every morning, I get up, I go into my closet, I close the door, I put the tape on, and I just hang there with my clothes for a while. Then I turn to my overcoat, and I go, 'No, you shut up, pal, alright?' Then I stab myself a few times, and I feel like I'm home.
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Let the batman go cuz batman returns .
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Trying to give my kids an education in Los Angeles is a nightmare. The guns, the gangs, the drugs -- and I'm home schooling them.
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They were tired because they had to go every day and clean up the grave, clean up condoms and вееr cans and bottles, needles, trash all over the place. That's what's so cool -- when you're getting kicked out for partying, and you've been dead since 1971.
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When the sisters fight, you know who won the fight because there'll be extensions all over the floor.
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