Dark Humor

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Person 1: Hey, u wanna hear a joke?
Person 2: Yeah sure!!
Person 1: Your life.
*work best through text. Kickass for more.

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The other night I went out on a date with a guy who said he didn't like girls who were fragile or vulnerable. So I stabbed him.

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I was sentenced life imprisonment jail for 2 years

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I got a cousin who's a psychotic with low self-esteem. He only wants to assassinate the vice president.

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Why didn't the blind man go home? Cause he fell off a cliff.

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How many kittens does it take to paint the wall red?
One just throw it really hard.

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I got in this elevator earlier, and I ended up standing next to this woman who smelled just like my ex-girlfriend, the same perfume or something. It's neat how an aroma can make you think of something else. So, I'm strangling this woman....

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I don't understand how some of you women can be abused by a man with a Jheri curl. That don't make no sense, man. All you gotta do is carry a lighter.

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Q:What is wrong with the government?
A:Everything

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I didn't know angels could fly so low.

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I've never hit my mother. I tried to hit my mother once. She looked at me and said, 'If you ever hit me, that'll be the last thing you ever do.' And I knew she was dead serious just by the way she cocked that gun to my head.

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I have this nightmare all the time where I'm on a dark country road. There's this big man with a knife, and I'm chasing him. Scary, 'cause I know when I catch him, he's gonna кill me.

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Teacher:
"Bob has 36 candies, he ate 29 of them. How many candies does bob have left? Student:
"Diabetes, Bob has diabetes"

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Do you want to see a funny joke?
Just look in the mirror.
Kickass = You're a chill guy.
Lame = You're a triggered insecure loser.

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When the teacher told us to take a break I said can I take a break from school

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Press kicksss if you come here everyday to check how many votes you got.

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Fun fact: Did you know that if all the veins in your body were lined up one after the other, you'd die?

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I don't know if I'm going to Heaven or Неll. I just hope God grades on a curve.

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