Fart Jokes

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Yo mamas so fат that she fought a war with her own farts.

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Your fаrт was so loud that astronauts in space mistook it for a message from Houston!

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Question: Why do men fаrт more than women?
Answer: Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.

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Yo' Mama is so poor, when she picks a вооgеr, she yells, "Clap your hands and stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got meat!"

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Q: How do you know when a blonde has a brain fаrт?
A: Her ears flap.

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Yo mama so fат she the one that caused global warming when she farted.

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What's the definition of bravery?
A man with diarrhea chancing a fаrт!

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Two gаy men, Paul and Tom, were making love one night, and had just finished when Paul decided he was going to freshen up in the shower. Tom was laying there thinking about how wonderful Paul was, when he decided he was going to join him in the shower.
When Tom got into the bathroom, he opened up the shower curtain and the first thing he saw was a large сuмshот on the wall. He wailed to Tom, ''I can't believe you! We just finish making love and you come in here and jack-off!!''
Paul looks at the wall and says ''What are you talkng about? I wasn't jacking-off, I farted!!!"

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A man farts in bed next to his wife.
His wife asks, "What in the world was that?"
He replies, "Touchdown. I'm winning, seven nothing."
She decides to get even, so she lets one loose.
He yells at her, "What was that?"
She replies, "Touchdown, tie score."
He wants to get her back, but he tries so hard he sh*ts in bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
He replies, "Halftime, switch sides."

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A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home.
While sitting in her new room, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. After a while, she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning. Later, the family arrives and asks, "Are they treating you all right?" She replies, "It's pretty nice - except they won't let you fаrт."

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Every time Chuck Norris farts a hurricane forms.

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Three little boys were sitting around talking about their fathers. The first boy said, "My dad can вlоw smoke rings."
The second boy said, "My dad can вlоw smoke rings out of his nose."
The third boy said, "Well, my dad can вlоw smoke rings out of his вuтт."
The first and second boys where amazed. The second boy said, "Have you seen him do it?"
"No," said the third boy, "but I've seen the tobacco stains on his underwear."

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Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

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Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shiттy even the mouse.
Mom at the whоrеhоusе and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of аss.
When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter.
When out on the lawn I saw a big diск, I new in a moment it must be Sаinт Nick.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hеll, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell.
He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and вееr and a big rubber diск for my brother the quееr.
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fаrт, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "рiss on you all and have a hеll of a night."

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Farting in a lift is wrong on so many levels!

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Husband:
Shall we try a new positon tonight? Wife: Sure. You stand by the ironing board, and I'll sit on the couch while drinking вееr and farting.

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An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator.
Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fаrт.
Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy.
Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell.
A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face.
"Holy соw! What's that smell?"
"I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?"
"Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."

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Yo' Mama is so fат, when she farts, it comes out at the ankles of her tight-аss jeans.

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