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History Jokes

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Status: I didn't fall down, I attacked the floor.
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Nate: Why was school easier for cave people?
Kate: Why?
Nate: Because there was no history to study!
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Boss comes up to an employee:
"Yesterday you did a great job - in one day you managed to do as much work, as you did in previous month!"
"Thanks boss, that's because Facebook was shut down for the whole day."
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A new study found that more than 11 million people have quit Facebook in the last three years.
And unfortunately, none of them were your parents.
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Some people should consider having multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.
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Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar movie collection except for one. he's never gonna give you Up
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A somewhat advanced society has figured out how to package basic knowledge in pill form.
A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.
The pharmacist says: "Here's a pill for English literature."
The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature.
"What else do you have?" asks the student.
"Well I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.
Then the student asks: "Do you have a pill for math?"
The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment," goes back to the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plonks it on the counter.
"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.
The pharmacist replies, "Well you know math always was a little hard to swallow."
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Q: What was the world's first palindrome?
A: Madam, I'm Adam.
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The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise right then and there. "Please," protested the college president, "you already make more than the entire History department."
"Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with," the coach blustered.
"Look."
He went out into the hall and grabbed a jоск who was jogging down the hallway.
"Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered.
Twenty minutes later the jоск returned, sweaty and out of breath.
"You're not there, sir," he reported.
"Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the president, scratching his head. "I would have phoned."
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A husband asks his very ill wife at the hospital:
Tell me what is your last wish?
Nothing more, I just want to check my status on Facebook.
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Guy comes up the hill, look up to the sky and yells, "God, I want to hear your opinion! Is Facebook harmful?"
And response from heaven, "A moment, I just finish this status.."
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I hope the next ridiculously popular Facebook trend is shutting the fuск up.
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I don't always go to the gym, but when I do, I make sure Facebook knows about it.
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Dear Facebook,
Everytime I add a girl you ask me "Do you know her? Is she your sister?"
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DEPT OF STATISTICS:
All grades are plotted along the normal веll curve.
DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY:
Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in.
The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
DEPT OF HISTORY:
All students get the same grade they got last year.
DEPT OF RELIGION:
Grade is determined by God.
DEPT OF PHILOSOPHY:
What is a grade?
LAW SCHOOL:
Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.
DEPT OF MATHEMATICS:
Grades are variable.
DEPT OF LOGIC:
If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.
DEPT OF COMPUTER SCIENCE:
Random number generator determines grade.
MUSIC DEPARTMENT:
Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively).
DEPT OF PHYSICAL EDUCATION:
Everybody gets an A.
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Anyone remember the good old days before Facebook, Instagram and Twitter?
When you had to take a photo of your dinner, then get the film developed, then go around to all your friends' houses to show them the picture of your dinner?
No?
Me neither.
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Facebook е като хладилник - знаеш Facebook is like a fridge. Even when u know there's nothing new going on Facebook is like a fridge. Every a few minutes you keep opening and closing it to see if there's anything good in it. A Facebook olyan
Facebook is like a fridge, you keep checking it and nothing has changed.
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They say that if I don't support transgender rights I'm on the wrong side of history.
At least I'm on the right side of the firing squad.
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