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Me in a room with my ex wife, Нiтlеr and Stalin and I have one gun and two bullets. Let me shoot my ex two times to be sure.
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Светско првенство
Super Bowl
На стадион Уембли се провежда футболния мач на века - националният отбор на Англия срещу отбора на света.
Парень купил билет на Кубок Мира по футболу у сотрудника.
Ein Mann sitzt im eigentlich ausverkauften Stadion des Fußball-WM-Finales in Deutschland und hat neben sich einen leeren Sitz. Irritiert fragt er den Zuschauer auf der anderen Seite des leeren Platzes
Un avocat fou de football américain avait tout essayé pour obtenir des tickets pour la finale du Superbowl. Il parvint finalement
Een man had tickets voor twee goede plaatsen voor de finale van de Champions League. Terwijl hij daar zit komt een andere man naar beneden en vraagt of het zitje naast hem bezet is. "Neen
There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars
änglarna spelade match på Ullevi och det var fullsatt. En man upptäckte att det dock fanns en tom plats intill honom och vände sig till grannen: - Det ser ut att vara någon som fått förhinder. -...
Finał mistrzostw świata. Pełen stadion
Mecz finałowy mistrzostw świata w piłce nożnej. Siedzi facet. Obok niego puste miejsce. Podchodzi do niego inny facet i pyta
It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final
It's the 7th game of the Stanley Cup Finals. At the beginning of the game
Dai was watching a Six Nations game in Cardiff. In the packed stadium there was only one empty seat
Pokalspiel gegen Dortmund
Um sujeito estava sentado na primeira fila de um daqueles espetáculos majestosos e caríssimos da Broadway onde
Een man had tickets voor de Gouden Medaille Volleybal wedstrijd te zien op de Olympische Spelen
Karel heeft eindelijk zijn kaarten voor de WK finale voetbal in zijn bezit gekregen. Als de wedstrijd begonnen is
Joãozinho estava em um estádio de futebol lotado quando um cara que estava passando percebeu que só havia um lugar no estádio que não estava vago e que era ao lado dele. Ele não se conteve de...
Ved næstsidste runde i Superligaen
En el partido final de la Copa del mundo un hincha se queda muy extrañado al ver un asiento vacío
En ung mand var virkelig henrykt
Stadio Olimpico. Derby Roma – Lazio. Poco prima della partita
Na finálovém zápase SuperBowlu v americkém fotbale sedí chlápek na jednom z nejlepších míst. Na narvaných tribunách se mačká spousta lidí a vedle něj je jedno místo volné. Dalšímu chlápkovi v řadě...
Egy férfi kap egy ingyenjegyet a focibajnokság döntőjére. Sajnos a jegy a stadion legtávolabbi helyére szól
Finalen i fodbold-VM spilles for et udsolgt stadion. Men en tilskuer ser
Stadio. Poco prima della partita
Két férfi beszélget a színházban. Az előttük lévő szék üres. Mondja az egyik: - Te
Финале на светско првенство во фудбал. Целиот стадион распродаден уште пред 5 месеци
Marakana puna ko oko
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show
There was this man who won a contest and got one free ticket to the Superbowl. He was so happy
A young man was very excited because he just won a ticket to the Super Bowl. His excitement lessened as he realized his seat was in the back of the stadium. As he searched the rows ahead of him for...
John received a free ticket to the Super Bowl. Unfortunately. John's seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the stadium. He noticed an...
Adam Trabzon'un maçına gitmiş. Aldığı bilet tribünün en uzak köşesinde. Yerine oturmuş ve ilk yarıyı güç bela seyretmiş. O arada ön tarafta tam ortada bir koltuğun boş olduğunu farketmiş... Devre...
In timpul unui meci de fotbal al echipei nationale tribunele sunt arhipline un singur loc ramanand neocupat. Posesorul biletului ii ofera locul unui spectator care statea in picioare. - Stiti
Vyriškis ateina į ilgai lauktas pasaulio taurės futbolo varžybas
A man went to the All Stars game with two front row seat tickets. He sat down and then another man asked him if the other chair was taken. The man said " no, it was supposed to be for my wife." The other man said " well where is she? And he said "she died two days ago" from a sтrоке. The other man said "well thats unfortunate, I'm so sorry for you. But should'nt you give this seat to another family members?" And the man said, "no they're all at the funeral"
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The guy is 22, and he immediately launches into his life philosophy, which is cute when someone is 22, right? He's like, 'Here's what I think about life. Here's my big life plan.' I was like, 'You know what? I'll see you in five years when you're on anti-depressants and thinking about teaching. '
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Bully: Your jokes suск! Me: Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road
Bully: Why?
Me: To get to the Gаy Mans house
Bully: Ha The Chicken must be gаy!
Me: Knock Knock
Bully: Another Sтuрid Joke?
Bully: Alright who's there?
Me: The Chicken
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Ex: Gosh I hate you! Your soon fake. Ex boyfriend: Shut up at least my iPhone battery life is last longer than your fake relationship
Others: OHHHHHHHHH
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Teacher: Why are there rings on Saturn?
Kid: Because God liked it, so he put a ring on it.
Teacher: Saturn was not a single lady.
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Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
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A woman had 20 children. 10 girls 10 boys, all of their names were leroy. Boys spelt Leroy girls spelt Leroigh. She met a man one day and told him how many children she had and what their names were. " why did you name all of your children Leroy/Leroigh?" The man asked. "It's easy to call them all together. For example Leroy/Leroigh time for bet time for supper." The woman laughed. The man asked "how do you call them if you only need one of the children?" The woman cackled "by their last names of course!"
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How to be Insulting at Christmas: Try to find what you were given last year and give it back to the person who gave it to you.
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I sneeze and all the snot got everywhere. Someone says: You're disgusting! I say back: your internet history is disgusting. (Laughter)
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Съвременно семейство:
son: I got an ipad daughter: I got an ipod mom: I got an iphone dad:.....Ipaid
Son: Iphone! * holding it*
Daughter: Ipod! *holding it*
Mom: Ipad! *holding it*
Dad: IPAID!
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I'm tired of all these old people joining Facebook. It's not for you. All I'm saying is, I don't want to go on Facebook and be invited to be a fаn of 'The Andy Griffith Show.'
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Me: Why did the Pizza Delivery guy cross the rode?
Friend: To get to the other side?
Me: No to delivery pizza to the hideous girl on the other side!
Friend: ...
Me: Knock Knock!
Friend: Who's there!?
Me: The Pizza Delivery guy!
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How come "you're a peach" is a complement but "you're bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
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File This Insult away, you may need it some day soon.
Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?
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I watched the Harry Potter films for the first time at the weekend
They were okay, but a bit unrealistic: a gingеr schoolkid with two friends?
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I'm a geek, but you know what? I'm not a nerd. And there is a difference. Allow me to explain.
A geek is the kind of person that'll stand in line to see the midnight premiere of the new Harry Potter movie. That's me, that's how I roll...
Now a nerd is the kind of person who goes to the midnight premiere of the new Harry Potter movie dressed like Harry Potter. And that sh*t is pathetic, right?
What's up with those losers?
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Teacher: Can you touch God?
Student: No.
Teacher: Can you see God?
Student: No.
Teacher: Then there isn't a God!
Student: Can you touch your brain?
Teacher: No.
Student: Can you see your brain?
Teacher: No.
Student: Ooh, okaaay, then you don't HAVE a brain!
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