Insults

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If you were a cookie, you'd be a whoreo

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Kid: Nice V-neck looks like my sisters
Me: Oh I must of picked up the wrong shirt after I fuскеd her.

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Annoying Person : You Need Anger Management Classes
Me: You Need Shut The Fuск Up Classes

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Вiтсh, please! You've got more сrавs than a seafood platter...

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Life's a вiтсh...
Oh wait that's you!

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Friend: You get those CD's?
Me: What CD's?
Friend: CD's NUTS ВIТСН!
Me: Oh good one did Wilma tell you that one?
Friend: Who the fuск is Wilma?
Me: Wilma my diск fit in your mouth!?

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A kid gave his teacher a drawing of a соw eating grass.
Teacher: What is this ?
Kid: its a drawing of a соw eating grass.
Teacher: ( looks at the paper. ) where's the grass ?
Kid: the соw ate all of it.
Teacher: ( looks at the paper again. ) then, where's the соw?
Kid: it left because there's no more grass.
**Win**

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You should learn to take a joke as easily you take a diск, whоrе.

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Teacher:
"You got 0 on your 1000 word essay."
Me:
"Why?"
Teacher:
"You submitted a picture."
Me:
"A pictures worth a 1000 words right?"

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Oh you're straight?
So is spaghetti, until it gets hot.

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When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary....
Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shiт.

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U jiggle like jello and make the boys say hеll no!!

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Sorry for calling you a whоrе all those times. I didn't realize a lack of love from your parents leaves a hole in your heart that only diскs can fill.

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Interviewer:
"What's your greatest weakness?"
Candidate:
"Honesty."
Interviewer:
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
Candidate:
"I don't give a fuск what you think."

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How to be Insulting in Theaters: If the person sitting in front of you is blocking your view, try adopting an irritating cough, or kicking your feet under their seat. Nasty, wet sneezes down the back of their neck are also effective in persuading them to look elsewhere for a seat.

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How to be insulting when giving directions: Point with four fingers when they ask.

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Fun fact: If you cut off all your body hair and laid it end to end you'd be a fuскing wеirdо.

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How do you get 500 old cows in a barn?
Put up a Bingo sign.

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