Insults

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He's a recovering alcoholic: recovering from last night!

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Friend: Eww, disgusting!
Me: Did you look in the mirror again?

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Girl: you are a b*tch
Teacher: I would love to insult you but human nature already did
Class: OOOHHHH

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Boy- Is there 21 words in the alphabet
Girl- No 26
Boy- Oh yea I forgot U, R, A, Q, T

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Bully:Hey,kid my grandmother has a вiggеr d**k than you
Me:Yo mama would disagree

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When I was younger, I wanted to be Michael. You know, my friends, they were like, 'I want to be doctor. I want to be a lawyer.' I was like, 'I want to be Michael Jackson!' -- until he turned into a white woman.

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Bullies come n picks on little kid:
Roses r red, violets r blue,
God made me pretty, what happened to u?
Bullies: HAHAHAH!
Kid: roses r red violets r blue,
Fuck u.
Bullies: ......
Simple comeback

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Some people are like Slinkies, they make you smile when you push them down the stairs.

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He goes, 'I'm sorry. My gardener's Mexican. He doesn't look or act anything like you.' I said, 'That's a coincidence because my landlord's a моrоn, and you guys dress totally different.'

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Your like the sun (son) I never had...
Every time I look at you it burns.

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My teacher taught me a phrase to combat bullying
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"
So I threw a dictionary at them.

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*Guy insults you*
Let me tell you a secret, yeah you, come here.
*guy comes closer*
Shut the fuск up

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She's not that bright. She calls me up yesterday, 'John, the light bulb in the bathroom burned out. I don't know how to change it.' I said, 'First, you fill the tub with water.'

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I have more talent in my smallest fаrт than you have in your entire body.

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Girl: Hey ugly
Me: I'm not ugly your ugly
Girl: Yes you are
Me: (pulls out mirror)
Me: Repeat that again

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What's your best non swearing insult? I hope you step on a lego.

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Ever been told something, but you can't decide if it's a compliment or an insult?
Recently, when I greeted my coworker, she said, “You look so gorgeous, I didn’t recognize you!”

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He is known as a miracle comic. If he's funny, it's a miracle!

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