Insults

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Dоuсhе Kid: You're fat
Fat Guy: Im fат, you're ugly, I can loose weight, you can't fix your face in anyway.
Douche Kid: (silence)

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She's so ugly, the fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

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Son: mom why do I have to make my bed if I'm just gonna sleep in it anyways?
Mom: why do you eat if your just gonna die anyways
Son: I'm off to make my bed!

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I just can't compete with what Hollywood says is hot now for the ladies and stuff. My last girlfriend was totally into James Van Der Beek. Why? Remember when Hollywood hunks were supposed to have some kind of looks or something?

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Dude 1: I f*cked ur mom last night and she said don't stop
Dude 2: Yeah she probably said don't stop believing

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U want to challenge me the only thing we should challenge is the fact you are gay

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The other day I was flying in, I had Eric Estrada on my flight. And I had to say something -- I said, 'Hey, you're the guy from "Сhiрs."' He said, 'Yes. Would you like another drink before we land?'

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Ex: you need to move on and forget about me.
Me: how can I forget you when every time I go outside things remind me of you like garbage bins and dog shiт.

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You stare at frozen juice cans because they say, "concentrate".

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Bully: Ha, your so nerdy your diск where's glasses.
Nerd: That explains why your mom has 20-20 vision

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Boy: why so quiet?
Me: oh I'm sorry, I didn't realise I had to talk to people I f*cking hate!

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Just 'cause something's in style, doesn't mean everybody ought to wear it. I'm a fаn of the tube top, but even a tire has a pressure limit.

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Jеrк-Stop crying big baby! you-im sorry your face gave me a nightmare

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Guy #1: WHAT ARE THOSE!
Guy #2: Shoes you can't afford!
Guy #1: Yeah, I can't afford to dig in a dumpster for those.

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Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be sтuрid!

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BULLY- Oh you wear a size XXL (crowd laughs)
KID- No that's the size of my condoms.

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Note- my friend was drawing during PE
Girl: who is that? Friend: i'm drawing audrey hepburn
Girl: we're living in the present, not the 80s! Girl: can you draw a pic of me?
Friend: i'm sorry, I won't be able to fit your ego on the paper.

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Omegle Jokes Be Like:
Guy 1: Hey!
Guy 2: Hey.
Guy 1: I'm pretty sad, can you give me a joke?
Guy 2: Sure! Knock Knock.
Guy 1: Who's there?
Guy 2: Disco.
Guy 1: Disco who?
Guy 2: Disconnected.
'Your conversational partner has been disconnected.'
Guy 1: ...

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