Jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular

A young girl was so nervous about the cruise that immediately after being shown to her cabin, she headed for the bar.
Four hours later she bumped into a steward. “ ‘Scuse me.’ She said hiccupping, “I, I can’t seem to find my cabin.”
“I’ll be glad to help you, ma’am. What’s the number?”
“I dunno,” she answered, “but if you show me aroun’, I’ll recognize it from the lighthouse just outside the porthole.”

0

0

How much does MapQuest suск? I got so burned by MapQuest. Last weekend, just for the hеll of it, I typed in my address, 76th Street, and that I wanted to go to 77th Street. MapQuest told me to get on the Garden State Parkway.

0

0

What did the tired chess player do?
He took the knight off

0

0

Waiter: And how did you find your steak, sir?
Customer: Well, I just pushed aside a bean and there it was!

0

0

I went to a psychic the other day and asker her if I was gonna go to jail in the future….. She said no so I robbed her.

0

0

Last year i was approved to join a location procrastination club...
We have not met yet.

0

0

What do you call a lооnеy, lifelong small town resident?
A lосо local.

0

0

I got robbed at the gas station today. I called the cops and they asked if I knew who did it.
I said,
"Yes, pump number six."

0

0

Can’t believe how sтuрid the staff are at the McDonalds drive through. Sometimes it feels like I’m talking to a brick wall.

0

0

I tape popcorn to the ceiling.
It’s cheaper than a smoke alarm.

0

0

You can really scare someone when you yell “Peek-a-boo!”.
Especially when they’re trying on clothes in the fitting room.

0

0

A group of college students, none of them too bright, walk into a bar and they seem to be celebrating something. All of them are repeating "32 days, 32 days" with much excitement.
The bartender, being curious, asks, "What's so special about 32 days?"
"Well," one of them said,
"We just finished putting a puzzle together. It only took us 32 days and the box said 3-4 years!"

0

0

Me : Ow! My eye is hurting
Guy : Why?
Me : Cause' I am looking at you
*snap*

0

0

I hate Windows… Just tried to set my password to “mydick” but apparently it’s too short.

0

0

The following conversation took place at the dentists.
Dentist: You’re gonna feel a little pain in your lower jaw *dentist throws a punch*
Patient: Ahh, why??
Dentist: That’s for not flossing you little sh*t!

0

0

My psychiatrist says I have a fear of speed bumps but now I’m slowly beginning to get over it.

0

0

What do you call a pencil that can take a сrар? A number 2 pencil.

0

0

Q. What's the easiest way to drown an Antartican?
A. Write scratch n' sniff on the bottom of the pool.

0

0