Jokes

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[god creating sharks] god: ok give them 3 rows of teeth. Angel: seems excessive but ok. God: and make them mean as hеll. Angel: wтf y. God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO. Angel:… god: and make one of the types have a hammer for a head angel: why do I still work for you? God: because I’m the only employer as of right now.

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A woman walks in to a dentists office sits on the counter and spreads her legs.
The dentist says i think you have the wrong idea with that the woman replies last week you gave my husband his false teeth now you can get them out.

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My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again

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The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is sтuрid because we’ve all kicked a pregnant woman before we where even born.

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You wanna know who didn’t kick the bucket? Stephen Hawking didn’t; nor did he bite the dust.

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Me: Wanna play 9/11?
Friend: What’s that?
Me: Its a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.

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A blondie and a redneck jumped off a building which one will land first?

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The quiet kid starts playing Pumped Up Kicks in the parking lot before school.

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A guy was on trial for мurdеr and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck’s house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.
The red neck replied that it wasn’t easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and, wanted to let him go.

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I was both shocked and amazed to hear Stephen Hawking kicked the bucket.

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If you fuск your sister in front of a redneck, are you appropriating their culture?

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If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it. Works they be kicking or hitting you?

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If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner…you might be a Redneck!

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The Breakfast Couples:
(Bacon)-Don’t go bacon my heart
(Egg)-I couldn’t if I fried

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Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it!!

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Why was the DJ banned from the supermarket? – He was stealing all the samples.

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Why is the Nаzi Anthem banned in Germany? Because Horst Wessel Lied.

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Yo mama so smelly, she’s even banned from the perfume store!

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