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Български English Deutsch Español Анекдоты про жизнь. Анекдоты и... Français Italiano Ελληνικά Живот Türkçe Анекдоти про Життя Português Polski Svenska Nederlands Dansk Norsk Suomi Magyar Româna Anekdoty a vtipy ze života Lietuvių Latviešu Hrvatski
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Life Jokes

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The first half of life if ruined by your parents, the second by your kids.
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A: "Why are you late?"
B: "There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill."
A: "That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?"
B: "No, I was standing on it."
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Religion is a lot more like politics.
The only difference is that with religion you get to confess your own sins.
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Q: What do Captain Kirk and toilet paper have in common?
A: They both wipe out klingons.
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Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Depends on how clumsy you are.
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Do you know the joke of "no me neither"?
No.
Me neither.
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Texan:
"Where are you from?"
Harvard Graduate:
"I come from a place where we do not end sentences with prepositions."
Texan:
"Okay — where are you from, jаскаss?"
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Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer? One sells watches and one watches cells.
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Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring
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Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops?
A: Kick him in the аss.
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Разбираш
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.
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How many mex icans does it take to build...... Oh shiт, They're done!
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Teens are at an awkward stage in their lives.
They know how to make phone calls they just don't know how to end them.
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There was a trucker riding along on a highway, While riding he sees a priest on the side of the road sticking his thumb out trying to catch a ride.
So out of curtisy the trucker stops and picks up the priest.
They start chatting and having a good time.
On the way they see a homeless person on the side of the street.
The truckers veers off and hits the homeless person. *bu-dump* the trucker sees homeless person,*bu-dump* the driver who is laughing histerically wasn't watching the road and there was another bu-dump, The driver immediatly stops and looks around nervous."what was that?" he looks at the priest and the priest looks back.
"You missed a homeless guy, but don't worry I got him with the door."
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Without you I can't breath.
I love you so much my nose.
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I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries."
The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"
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- Две кексчета си стояли във фурната и се пекли. 2 банички се пекат във фурната и едната казала на другата: Две кексчета се печат и едното казва: Sind zwei Muffins in einem Ofen. Sagt der eine: "Himmel nochmal Treffen sich zwei Muffins im Ofen sagt der eine: Ahhh Det var två muffins i en ugn och då sa den ena - Oj vad varmt det är och då säger den andra - Holy shit Det var to muffinser inne i en stekovn. Den ene sier: – ÅÅåå så varmt det er. Den andre sier: – Næ Der sad 2 muffins i en ovn. - Den ene muffin sagde “Nej hvor er der varmt herinde.” - Så råbte den anden “Ahhhh en talende muffin.” Det var en gång två muffins i en ugn. Den första muffinsen sa: - Ojj Två muffins sitter i ugnen. Den ena frågar den andra: - Tycker du det börjar bli varmt här inne? Den andra svarar: - Aaargh Två muffinsar ligger i en ung. Den ena utbrister: - Fasen va varmt det är här! Den andra förvånat: - Oh!Oj! En talande muffins! Estaban dos muffins en el horno y uno le dice al otro:uff! que calor y el otro responde:Ah! ¡un muffin que habla! Sind zwei Muffins im Backofen. Der Erste: Mensch ist das heiß hier drin. Der Zweite: Ahhh Hilfe ein sprechender Muffin! There are two muffins in an oven. The muffin on the left turns to the other and says There were two muffins sitting in an oven. The first muffin looked at the second muffin and said One day there were two muffins in an oven Dois bolinhos estavam no forno. Um bolinho chegou e disse: — Ai!Tá quente aqui! O outro bolinho disse: — HAHAHA!Um bolinho falante! Twee muffins zitten in de oven. Zegt de ene muffin tegen de andere: "Hee Két muffin van a sütőben az egyik megszólal: - ÁÁÁ Égek!!! Erre a másik: - ÁÁÁ ez beszél!!!
Two muffins are sitting in an oven and one says to the other:
"Man, it's hot in here!"
The other one says:
"Ah! A talking muffin!"
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Cessna pilot:
"Tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.
Tower:
"Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!
Do you have the airfield in sight?"
Cessna:
"Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."
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