Life Jokes

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A spaceman landed on the moon.
To his surprise he saw ahead of him a little shop, with the name above it:
"MORRIE COHEN, BESPOKE TAILORS."
Curious, he went into the shop.
A surprised looking man appeared behind the counter. "Who are you?" he asked.
"I’m a spaceman," replied the spaceman.
The man closed his eyes, and slapped his own cheek with one hand.
"Cutters, I asked for. And they send me spacemen!"

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A man goes skydiving.
After a fantastic free fall he pulls the rip cord to open his parachute but nothing happens.
He tries everything but can't get it open.
Just then another man flies by him, going UP.
The skydiver yells, "Hey, you know anything about parachutes?
The man replies, "No, you know anything about gas stoves?

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What do LifeSavers do that men can't?
Come in 5 flavors!

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Toilets are like mothers-in-law: the farther away the better.

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What is height of Fashion?
Dhoti with a zip.

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I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

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Customer: Give me a hot dog.
Waiter: With pleasure.
Customer: No, with mustard.

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Programming is like sеx.
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

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Waiter, what is this stuff?
That's bean salad sir.
I know what it's been, but what is it now?

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Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?

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Why are we so sure that Eve was African?
If she were white, she wouldn't have eaten that apple!
She would say, "Is this organic? What would Oprah do?"
If she had been Asian, she'd have eaten the dамn snake!

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Amazing unbelievable facts
1. Isaac Newton was alive before he died
2. It takes 60 seconds to make a minute
3. Albert Einstein was born on his birthday
4. Morgan Freeman is called Morgan Freeman because his first name is Morgan and last name is Freeman

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If I had my whole life to live over again, I don’t think I’d have the strength.

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A man was fishing in the jungle.
After a while another angler came to join him.
"Have you had any bites?" asked the second man.
"Yes, lots," replied the first one, "but they were all mosquitoes."

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How many French men does it take to defend the city of Paris?
Don't know... Its never been done.

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"What is love, at last?" asks the dentist.
And the cardiologist:
"Love is a toothache.. but inside the heart!"

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Where are you going for vacation this year?
I checked my budget and decided that I didn't get tired.

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Wouldn't exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?

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