Vat Vas Dat Agin?
Helga hangs the wash out to dry, then goes downtown to pick up some dry cleaning.
"Gootness, iss hot," she says as the sun beats down on her. She passes by a tavern and says, "Vy nought?" So she sits at the bar.
"Bartender," she says. "I vill have unt cold вееr, please."
The bartender asks, "Anheuser Busch?"
"Vell, fine, tanks," she says, "Just ah leetle svetty."
Irish Saw mill Accident....
Paddy and Мiск are two Irishmen working at the local saw mill.
One day, Мiск slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw.
Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Мiск to the local hospital.
Next day, Раddy goes to the hospital and asks after Мiск. The nurse says, "Oh he's out in Rehab exercising".
Paddy couldn't believe it, but there's Мiск out the back exercising his now re-attached arm.
The very next day he's back at work in the sawmill.
A couple of days go by, and then Мiск slips and severs his leg on another вlооdy big saw.
So Раddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Мiск off to the Hospital.
Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies,
"He's out in the Rehab again exercising".
And sure enough, there's Мiск out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. And very soon Мiск comes back to work.
But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head.
Wearily, Раddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Мiск to the hospital.
Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Мiск is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says,
"He's dead."
Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. "I suppose the saw finally did him in."
"No", says the nurse, "Some idiот put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated".
Remarks Never Heard at Daytona 500:
- None for me, thanks. That Skoal will do a number on your teeth.
- Tampax! Get your Tampax here!
- Hey, shut up! I can't hear the race!
- Sеx with your sister? Man, that's sick.
- My God, this is a splendid Merlot.
- Hey, you with the large вrеаsтs, out of the way. We're trying to watch a race here.
- Jeeves, be a good man and retrieve the Wall Street Journal from my attach case. Then fetch me some clotted cream for my scone.
- What a coincidence, Hank, all my friends are boycotting Ноотеrs, too.
- These are even better seats than we had for the Lionel Richie concert.
- Good morning, Mr. Trickle. We at 'Depends' understand you're looking for a new corporate sponsor.
- Filling in for Dale 'The Intimidator' Earnhardt today is substitute driver, Michael 'Lord of the Dance' Flatley.
- And now, singing our national anthem, international recording artist Boy George.