A man walks into a bar. The bartender says to the guy, "What can I get you?"
"Make it a whiskey," says the man who promptly throws it down in one gulp.
"That will be three dollars," says the bartender.
"Sсrеw you!" says the man. "You offered to get me something. I thought you were paying."
"Get out," says the bartender. "You're banned. I don't need your сrар."
Two years later, the same man walks into same bar with the same bartender.
The bartender looks at him and says, "You're the a**hole who tried to соn a drink out of me, aren't you?"
"Excuse me, but I have no idea what you are talking about," says the customer. "I've never been to this bar before in my life!"
"Sorry. My mistake," says the bartender. "You must have a double."
"Hey thanks, dude!" says the customer. "Make it whiskey."
A young man sits down at a bar and says, "I want six shots of Jagermeister."
"Six shots!?" exclaims the bartender, "Are you celebrating something?"
"My first вlоw job," replies the young man.
"Well, in that case," says the bartender, slapping him on the back, "let me give you a seventh on the house."
The man holds up his hand, "No offense, sir. But if six shots don't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
Two guys are drinking together, when one of them throws up all over himself. "Сhrisт!" he says, "My wife is going to кill me."
His friend puts his arm around his shoulder and offers him 20 dollars. "Don't worry," he says, "I'm your best friend - give her this and tell her that I chucked up on your jacket, and that I gave you this money to get it cleaned." "Fantastic," says the first guy. "You're amassing, really the best." Arriving home, the poor guy's wife opens the door. "Where the hеll have you been, look at the state of you..." she kicks off. Quickly he replies, "Look love, it's not really my fault. Jack threw up all over me, but you know he's really a nice guy 'cos he gave me 20 bucks to get my jacket cleaned..." "But there are 40 dollars here," she replies. "Oh, yeh, I forgot to tell you," he says, "Jack sat in my trousers as well."