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  2. Partying & Bad Behavior

Partying & Bad Behavior

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Bubba dies in a fire and his body is pretty badly burned. The morgue sends for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, to identify the body.
Daryl arrives first, and when the mortician pulls back the sheet, Daryl says, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over."
The mortician rolls him over, and Daryl says, "Nope, ain't Bubba."
The mortician thinks this is strange. Then he brings Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer takes a look at the face and says, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."
The mortician rolls him over and Gomer says, "No, it ain't Bubba."
The mortician asks, "How can you tell?"
Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two a**holes."
"What? He had two a**holes?!" exclaims the mortician.
"Yup, every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two a**holes.'"
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I was invited to a party.
Suddenly I farted when an angry man shouted: "Why do you fаrт in presence of my wife?"
I only gazed him for some moments and calmly told him:"Sorry I didn't know it was her turn."
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Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl.
I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose.
No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.
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Сурово Η νεράιδα Мъж и жена празнуват 35-годишнина от сватбата в ресторант. Появила се фея и казала: Една фея казала на двама съпрузи: A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary. Ein 60jähriges Ehepaar sitzt beim Frühstück Um casal comemorava as bodas de prata e também os seus 60 anos de idade. De repente apareceu uma fada e disse: — Como prêmio por terem sido um casal exemplar durante 25 anos A gay couple had been partnered for 25 years and was celebrating the 60th birthday of one of them. During the party Ett gift par i 60-års åldern firade sin 40-åriga bröllopsdag på en lugn Frau und Mann haben beide ihren 60. Geburtstag. Erscheint eine Fee und sagt: „Ihr habt einen Wunsch frei.“ Sagt der Mann: „Ok A couple was celebrating their wedding anniversary. During the party Det var en gang ett ektepar som fikk besøk av en fe. Feen sa: – Fordi dere har vært gift i 30 år Er was een koppeltje van 70 jaar oud en ze vierden hun gouden bruiloft. Op het feest verscheen plots een fee. De fee zei: “Jullie mogen een wens doen. Je mag wensen wat je maar wilt.” “Dat is tof Una pareja de casados Una coppia sta festeggiando le nozze d’argento e contemporaneamente anche i 60 anni di vita. Durante la celebrazione appare una fata e dice alla coppia: “come premio per la vostra fedeltà di 25... C’est un couple qui a déjà fêté ses noces d’argent (25 ans de mariage) et qui fête aujourd’hui le cinquantième anniversaire du mari. Pendant la fête Der var engang en fe der sagde til et par: "Nu har I været gift i 30 år uden at skændes ret meget Hvad du ønsker skal du få Et ægtepar skulle fejre deres 35 års bryllupsdag da de fik besøg af en fe. Feen sagde: - Da I er sådan et smukt par og har været sammen i så mange år giver jeg jer et... Spændende indianerridning En attraktiv kvinde fra New York kørte igennem en ret øde egn i Texas O zana spune unui cuplu: - Pentru ca sunteti un cuplu exemplar chiar si dupa 30 de ani de casatorie Une fée dit à un couple marié : - Pour avoir été un couple si exemplaire depuis 25 ans Michael und Susanne sind beide 55 Jahre alt und seit 20 Jahren verheiratet. Eines schönen Tages gehen beide im Wald spazieren und treffen dort eine magische Fee. Die magische Fee sagt zu den... De havde været gift i 25 år. og samtidig fejrede de begge deres 60 års fødselsdage. Mens de fejrede det hele
Married couples, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary.
During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one a wish.
The wife wanted to travel around the world.
The fairy waved her wand and рооf - the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise.
Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted.
He said, "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me."
So the fairy picked up her wand and рооf - the husband was 90.
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You might be a redneck if you're invited to a come as you party and you show up nакеd.
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Yo mama's so dumb, she thinks socialism means partying!
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Το μπουκάλι. Какво е общо имат бутилка бира и една блондинка? Въпрос: Μπύρα Qu'est-ce qu'une blonde et une bouteille de bière ont en commun? Ils sont tous les deux vides au dessus du cou. Hva er likheten mellom en brusflaske og en blondine? Svar: Begge er tomme fra halsen og opp. Mitä yhteistä on blondilla ja pullolla? - Molemmat ovat tyhjiä kaulasta ylöspäin.
Q: What do blondes and вееr bottles have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
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Boy: "Do you like parties?"
Girl: "Yes, why?"
Boy: "Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!"
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Two gаys were at a dance.
As they were jigging about the floor with each other.
Two massive guys entered the hall 6 foot 6 20 stone and full of muscle One gаy asked his mate "Is that the bouncers that have just come in?"
"No" grinned the other,"That's the raffle."
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One of my friends returned from Afghanistan and I asked him if he is going to the party tomorrow.
He said he can't walk.
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The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a smallcongregation in a little Pennsylvania town.
One day, he was walking down Main Street andhe happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar,drinking вееr. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of hiscongregation should do. He walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next tothe woman. "Mrs. Fitzgerald," the reverend saidsternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me takeyou home?" "Sure," she said with a slur, obviouslyvery drunк. When Mrs. Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to
weave back and forth. The reverend realized that she had had too much to drink and hegrabbed hold of her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance andtumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few seconds, the reverend wound up lyingon top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist. The bartender looked over the bar and said,"Here, here, buddy, we won't have any of that carrying on in this bar." The reverend looked up at the bartender and said,"But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Fuzz." The bartender nodded, "Well if you're thatfar into the game, you may as well finish!"
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A girl was a рrоsтiтuте, but she did not want her grandma to know.
One day the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sеx party in a hotel and she was among them.
The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway.
Suddenly the girl's grandma came by and saw her.
"Why are you standing in line, dear?" she asked.
Not willing to let her grandma know the truth, the girl told her that the policemen were passing out free oranges.
"Why, that is awfully nice of them! I think I'll get some for myself," said the grandma.
A policeman went down the line, asking for information from all of the prostitutes.
When he got to Grandma, he exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take out my dentures and suск them dry!"
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A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and remarked, "I never know how to handle the situation when I'm asked for medical advice during a social function. Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?" The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so.The next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill. The lawyer also sent one to the doctor.
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Zwei Männer unterhalten sich über Traditionen im Zusammenhang mit Werten Ron and his new friend Arty were having a drink together Dois amigos casados conversando: — Sabe Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex Встречаются два приятеля. Оба недавно женились. Один говорит: Срещат се двама приятели. Наскоро са се оженили и двамата. Единия разправя:
John: I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. Did you?
Bob: I'm not sure. What was your wife's maiden name?
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Er komt een ietwat verlegen jongen in de bar en ziet daar een mooi meisje staan. Eigenlijk wil hij er wel mee in gesprek komen – “Door op m’n horloge te kijken zie ik dat je geen slipje aan hebt…….” “Echt wel!”…. – “Shit loopt hij weer een uur voor!” En kille slår sig ner bredvid en snygg tjej vid baren. Han börjar pilla på sin klocka. - Är din dejt försenad En ung dammsugarförsäljare var ute på säljresa i obygden. Han kom fram till en gammal gård där korna lugnt betade i hagarna längs med vägen James Bond va se balader dans un parc Un caleño que se considera el mejor seductor del mundo entra a un bar en Juanchito y se sienta al lado de una atractiva rubia. El tipo sonríe y la saluda Сидит вечером молодой человек в баре и пьет пиво. Вдруг замечает рядом за стойкой симпатичную девушку.Парень смотрит на часы Джеймс Бонд седи на бара сам и поглежда часовника си през 2-3 минути. Τζέιμς Μποντ High-Tech-Uhr hypermoderne Armbanduhr Sebejistý James Bond se vrátil do Anglie Den James (bond) stapt een café binnen James Bond entra a un bar y se sienta al lado de una morena de esas que sólo aparecen en sus películas. Le lanza una mirada y mira su reloj. Ella le pregunta: - Disculpe Num bar
A rather confident young man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive young woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was testing it." Intrigued, the woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains. "What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says that you're not wearing any раnтiеs..." The woman giggles & replies, "Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing раnтiеs!"
The man exclaims, "Dамn - this thing must be an hour fast!"
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First boy:
"Are you having a party for your birthday?"
Second boy:
"No, I'm having a witch do."
First boy:
"What's a witch do?"
Second boy:
"She flies around on a broomstick casting spells."
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After an elderly couple starts getting forgetful, they visit their doctor.
Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?""Nonsense," says the husband. "I can remember a dish of ice cream.""Well, I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it," the wife replies."My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. "No problem - a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don't need to write it down."He goes into the kitchen, and his wife hears pots and pans ваnging. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"
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A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.
Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. So when he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head and fired a shot into the ceiling. ''WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?'' he yelled.
No one answered.
''ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA' ВЕЕR, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS!''
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy had another вееr, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, ''Say partner, before you go. . .what happened in Texas?''
The cowboy turned back and said, ''I had to walk home.''
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