Jokes about Police Officers
Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps,
Bug-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants!
I'm about to tell you a story I've never heard before,
So pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
Admission is free, so pay at the door.
One fine day, in the middle of the night,
Two, dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back, they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And saved the lives of the two dead boys.
If you don't believe my lies are true,
Ask the blind man, he saw it too!
When the usher noticed a man stretched across three seats in the movie theater, he walked over and whispered, "Sorry sir, but you are allowed only one seat."
The man moaned but didn't budge. "Sir," the usher said more loudly, "if you don't move, I'll have to call the manager." The man moaned again but stayed where he was. The usher left and returned with the manager, who, after several attempts at dislodging the fellow, called the police.
The cop looked at the reclining man and said,
"All right, what's your name, joker?"
"Joe," he mumbled.
"And where are you from, Joe?"
Joe responds painfully, "The balcony!"
At the first hole on a golf course, a man tees off and hits a hard drive, but the ball hooks badly and goes off the course entirely. The man figures it's a lost ball, puts another ball down and starts again. He plays nine holes when a policeman comes up to him:
"Sir, did you lose a ball a while back?"
"Yes, I did. Why?"
"Well, sir, I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you. You see, your ball struck a cyclist, causing him to swerve right into the path of an oncoming bus. The bus hit the cyclist and then rammed head-on into a truck coming from the opposite direction. At the moment the casualties are twenty-one dead and we don't know how many injured."
The man says,
"Oh, this is dreadful!.... I ... I had no idea.... is there anything I can do?"
"Well, sir, the next time you want to hold the club a little more to the right, like this..."