Jokes about Police Officers

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A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said,
"OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
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A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the health department. They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department. The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor.
Now the preacher knew the mayor and was not too eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the preacher called him anyway. The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said,
"Why did you call me anyway? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?"
The preacher paused and then replied, "Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first!"
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A good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunк on the sidewalk.
Wanting to help, he asked the drunк “do you live here?”
“Yep”.
“Would you like me to help you upstairs?”
“Yep”. When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked “Is this your floor?”
“Yep”.
Then the good samaritan got to thinking that maybe he didn’t want to face the man’s irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunк. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs. However, when he went back outside, there was another drunк.
So he asked that drunк “Do you live here?”
“Yep”.
“Would you like me to help you upstairs?”
“Yep”. So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunк.
Then went back downstairs. Where, to his surprise, there was another drunк. So he started over to him.
But before he got to him, the drunк staggered over to a policeman and cried “Please officer, protect me from this man.
He’s been doing nothing all night long but taking me upstairs and throwing me down the elevator shaft!
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A London banker parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.
As he’s getting out of the car, a lorry comes speeding along too close to the kerb and rips off the car door, zooming off without stopping.
More than a little distraught, the banker grabs his mobile and calls the police.
Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically: ‘My Porsche! My beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it’s at the panel beaters it’ll simply never be the same again!’
After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust. ‘I can’t believe how materialistic you вlооdy bankers are,’ he says. ‘You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don’t notice anything else in your life.’
‘How can you say such a thing at a time like this?’ sobs the Porsche owner.
The policeman replies, ‘Didn’t you realize that your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you.’
The Londoner looks down in horror. ‘Oh Fuск!’ he screams… Where’s my Rolex?
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A man was well inebriated, but he got behind the wheel of his car anyway and began to drive home. Of course, he couldn't exactly drive straight or stay below the speed limit. Two policemen pulled him over and demanded a sobriety test. They asked him to walk a straight line, and he failed. They began to take him with them, but suddenly they received a call on their walkie-talkies, asking them to go to another part of town. They asked the man to be patient while they called someone else to cover for them. But the man grew tired of waiting and, after a few minutes, drove home. He got in bed and said to his wife, who had been waiting for him, "If any policemen come looking for me, tell them I'm not home yet." The wife agreed, somewhat confused and a little embarrassed. No sooner than her husband fell asleep did she hear a knock at the door. Sure enough, it was the two policemen. They asked about her husband, and she replied that he wasn't home. Then they asked to check her garage. Puzzled, she agreed. She opened up the garage for them--and there sat the policemen's squad car, lights still flashing.
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