Jokes about Police Officers

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A farmer and his pig were driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked the farmer, "Didn't you know it is against the law to ride with a pig in the front of you truck?"
The farmer replied, "No, I didn't knowed that."
The cop ask the farmer where he was going and he said,
"To Memphis".
The cop said,
"I will let you off the hook this time if you promise to take the pig to the zoo when you get to Memphis."
So the farmer promised he would.
Several days later the cop spotted the farmer with the pig driving down the road and he pulled him over again.
The cop said "I thought I told you to take this pig to the zoo when you got to Memphis" and to this the farmer replied "I did and we had so much fun, I'm taking him to the circus."

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A man walks into the sheriff's office....
"I want to become a deputy!"
"Good, I want to you to catch this man" says the sheriff handling the man a wanted poster.
The poster reads:
'Last seen wearing a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, and brown paper boots.'
"What's he wanted for?" asked the hopeful yound man.
"Rustling."

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According to the police, if you hold your purse by the strap and under your arm, nothing will ever happen to you....
Unless your name happens to be Bruce.

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I looked out on the destruction: smashed windows, cars turned upside-down, a bus on fire, people running scared, police unsure what move to make…
I turned to the wife and said, “Сhin up darling, you did your best, but maybe I should park the car!”

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Back in the day the police didn’t need to speak to us "in handcuffs”...

Mainly because our parents spoke a strange universal a language called "consequences".

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A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club.
Police are looking into it.

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I got pulled over by the police - He came to the window and said “papers.” … …
…
I said “scissors, I win” - and drove off … …
…
He must be desperate for a rematch as he’s been chasing me for ages!

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What did the police do when 241 hares got loose?
They combed the area!

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A couple of kids in the South get pulled over for speeding.
When the trooper approaches the car, the driver says 'What's the problem, sir?'.
The trooper takes out his machined aluminum flashlight and whacks the kid across the head saying 'You don't speak to a state trooper unless you're spoken to'.
The trooper writes out the citation and gives it to the driver who responds 'Thanks a lot'.
The trooper again gives the kid a dose of the flashlight and says 'When you address a state trooper, you finish your sentence with the word sir'.
He then walks over to the passenger side and whacks the other kid with the flashlight.
The kid says 'What was that for, sir?'
The trooper says 'I was just fulfilling your wish.
Y'all wouldn't have gotten 100 yards down this road before you'd have said to your friend, "I wish he'd have hit me with that flashlight", so I fulfilled your wish.'

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Aunt's Pay A young lady went to the dress shop where her aunt worked and picked up her aunt's pay.
On the way home she was robbed, so she called the police and said,
"I just lost my aunt's pay."
The desk sargeant said , "Ouyay, Unnyfay!"

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A man is staggering home drunк late at night when he’s stopped by a policeman.
‘What are you doing out here at this time of night?’ asks the officer.
‘I’m going to a lecture,’ replies the man.
‘And who’s going to give a lecture at this hour?’ asks the policeman.
‘My wife,’ replies the man.

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I have an app on my phone that makes the sound of a police siren.
Comes in handy if there are long queues in KFC.

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Two girls speed down the highway at 90 mph."Hey," asks the brunette at the wheel. "Do you see any cops following us?"
The blonde turns around. "As a matter of fact, I do."
"Dамn!" says the brunette. "Are his flashers on?"
The blonde turns around again. "Yup. Nope. Yup. Nope. Yup."

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The cops pulled Chuck Norris over for going 55 miles per hour on the freeway. But since he wasn't in a car, they had to give him a ticket for jaywalking.

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Why did the duck get arrested?
because he was selling quack

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And where was the location of the accident?
Approximately milepost 499.
And where is milepost 499?
Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

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"But my elderly aunt was considered a highly respectable spinster!" the society matron protested.
"Can't you find some way to cover up the shocking fact that she died in bed while being simultaneously serviced by two paid studs???"
"You just leave it to me, Mrs. Van Horn," soothed the police officer.
"I'll just put it in my report that she died at the sтrоке of two."

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The cop said, ‘Pull over!’
I said, ‘No, cardigan, but thanks for noticing!’

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