Jokes about Police Officers

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A man walks into the sheriff's office....
"I want to become a deputy!"
"Good, I want to you to catch this man" says the sheriff handling the man a wanted poster.
The poster reads:
'Last seen wearing a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, and brown paper boots.'
"What's he wanted for?" asked the hopeful yound man.
"Rustling."

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According to the police, if you hold your purse by the strap and under your arm, nothing will ever happen to you....
Unless your name happens to be Bruce.

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A state trooper stopped at a little cafe for coffee. As he was getting ready to leave a patron of the cafe yelled out, "Go out and get 'em!" he said.
"I suppose everyone's going to get a ticket today?"
"I don't really give out many tickets," the cop said.
"Oh, come on," the man teased.
"You'd give your own mother a ticket."
"No, my mother never drove a car," said the trooper.
Then a grin spread over his face.
"But I did catch her jaywalking once," he said,
"And I issued her a warning.
But that's all."

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Back in the day the police didn’t need to speak to us "in handcuffs”...

Mainly because our parents spoke a strange universal a language called "consequences".

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A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club.
Police are looking into it.

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I got pulled over by the police - He came to the window and said “papers.” … …
…
I said “scissors, I win” - and drove off … …
…
He must be desperate for a rematch as he’s been chasing me for ages!

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What did the police do when 241 hares got loose?
They combed the area!

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A couple of kids in the South get pulled over for speeding.
When the trooper approaches the car, the driver says 'What's the problem, sir?'.
The trooper takes out his machined aluminum flashlight and whacks the kid across the head saying 'You don't speak to a state trooper unless you're spoken to'.
The trooper writes out the citation and gives it to the driver who responds 'Thanks a lot'.
The trooper again gives the kid a dose of the flashlight and says 'When you address a state trooper, you finish your sentence with the word sir'.
He then walks over to the passenger side and whacks the other kid with the flashlight.
The kid says 'What was that for, sir?'
The trooper says 'I was just fulfilling your wish.
Y'all wouldn't have gotten 100 yards down this road before you'd have said to your friend, "I wish he'd have hit me with that flashlight", so I fulfilled your wish.'

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Aunt's Pay A young lady went to the dress shop where her aunt worked and picked up her aunt's pay.
On the way home she was robbed, so she called the police and said,
"I just lost my aunt's pay."
The desk sargeant said , "Ouyay, Unnyfay!"

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A man is staggering home drunк late at night when he’s stopped by a policeman.
‘What are you doing out here at this time of night?’ asks the officer.
‘I’m going to a lecture,’ replies the man.
‘And who’s going to give a lecture at this hour?’ asks the policeman.
‘My wife,’ replies the man.

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I have an app on my phone that makes the sound of a police siren.
Comes in handy if there are long queues in KFC.

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When you were in the gang then , you just had to look cool, just walk around and look like you were tough.
Someone started talking about fighting - 'No, man, I've got to go home.'

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The cops pulled Chuck Norris over for going 55 miles per hour on the freeway. But since he wasn't in a car, they had to give him a ticket for jaywalking.

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Why did the duck get arrested?
because he was selling quack

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And where was the location of the accident?
Approximately milepost 499.
And where is milepost 499?
Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

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"But my elderly aunt was considered a highly respectable spinster!" the society matron protested.
"Can't you find some way to cover up the shocking fact that she died in bed while being simultaneously serviced by two paid studs???"
"You just leave it to me, Mrs. Van Horn," soothed the police officer.
"I'll just put it in my report that she died at the sтrоке of two."

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The cop said, ‘Pull over!’
I said, ‘No, cardigan, but thanks for noticing!’

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What do you call a dog in jeans and a sweater?
A plain clothes police dog!

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