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Вицове за полицаи English Witze über Polizisten Chistes sobre policías Шутки про полицейских Blagues sur les policiers Barzellette sui poliziotti Ανέκδοτα για αστυνομικούς Вицеви за полицајци Polisler hakkında fıkralar Жарти про поліцейських Piadas sobre policiais Żarty o policjantach Skämt om poliser Grappen over politieagenten Vittigheder om politibetjente Vitser om politifolk Vitsit poliiseista Viccek rendőrökről Glume despre polițiști Vtipy o policistech Anekdotai apie policininkus Joki par policistiem Vicevi o policajcima
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Jokes about Police Officers

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Une fois Вчера се обадих на полицията на моето собствено парти
I once called the police on my own party because i wanted to go to bed
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Ходих да купя хляб. Но след като я видях Отидов да купам леб. Ама кога ја видов Fui a comprar pan. Pero después de verla Я пошёл купить хлеб. Но увидев её Ich wollte Brot kaufen. Aber nachdem ich sie sah Je suis allé acheter du pain. Mais après l’avoir vue Πήγα να αγοράσω ψωμί. Αλλά όταν την είδα Sono andato a comprare il pane. Ma dopo averla vista Ekmek almaya gittim. Ama onu görünce çalmaya karar verdim Я пішов купити хліб. Але побачивши її Fui comprar pão. Mas depois de a ver Poszedłem kupić chleb. Ale kiedy ją zobaczyłem Jag gick för att köpa bröd. Men efter att ha sett henne bestämde jag mig för att stjäla det Ik ging brood kopen. Maar toen ik haar zag Jeg gik for at købe brød. Men da jeg så hende Jeg dro for å kjøpe brød. Men da jeg så henne Menin ostamaan leipää. Mutta kun näin hänet Elmentem kenyeret venni. De miután megláttam őt M-am dus să cumpăr pâine. Dar după ce am văzut-o Šel jsem koupit chleba. Ale když jsem ji uviděl Nuėjau pirkti duonos. Bet pamatęs ją Gāju pirkt maizi. Bet Išao sam kupiti kruh. Ali kad sam je vidio
I went to buy bread. But after I saw her, I decided to steal it
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Чудя се Се прашувам Me pregunto por qué la estarán multando. Интересно Ich frage mich Je me demande pourquoi elle se fait verbaliser. Αναρωτιέμαι Mi chiedo per cosa la stiano multando?! Acaba merak ediyorum Цікаво Fico imaginando pelo que ela está sendo multada?! Zastanawiam się Jag undrar vad hon får böter för?! Ik vraag me af waarvoor ze een boete krijgt?! Jeg spekulerer på Jeg lurer på hva hun får bot for?! Mietin Kíváncsi vagyok Mă întreb pentru ce o amendează?! Zajímalo by mě Įdomu Interesē Pitam se
I wonder what she’s getting fined for?!
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Както казвах Како што кажував Como le estaba diciendo Как я и говорил Wie ich schon sagte Comme je le disais Όπως έλεγα Come dicevo Dediğim gibi memur bey Як я казав Como eu estava dizendo Jak już mówiłem Som jag sa Zoals ik al zei Som jeg sagde Som jeg sa Kuten sanoin Ahogy mondtam Сuм spuneam Jak jsem říkal Kaip sakiau Kā jau teicu Kao što rekoh
As I was saying, officer, Karen claims she rescued me from the streets, but truth is, she straight-up kidnapped me.
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Lisette met twee t's
Lisette with two t's
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Lester Barrie: Hated to See My Mother Coming.
I got whupped so much, sometimes I hated to see my mother coming. I'm having fun with my brothers, my sisters, my friends - my mother pulls up, and I'm thinking, 'Dang! Why she keep coming here? Can't she just drop off the food and stay at work?'
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Classic Воотy Call... Thief:
Hello, I'm a thief. And I'm here to steal your heart.
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They're the only federal employee that I can think of that, at any point, they can flip you over and look in your вuтт.
That's too much power, and I don't remember voting for that, do you?
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Yo' Mama is so sтuрid, she reported her stolen сrаск to the cops.
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A policeman pulls a driver over for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to вlоw into a breathalyzer."I can't do that, officer - I'm an asthmatic. I could hae an asthma attack if I вlоw into that tube."
"OK, we'll just get a urinе sample down at the station."
"Can't do that either, officer. I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I рее in a cup."
"Alright, we could get a blood sample."
"Can't do that either, officer. I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood, I could die."
"Fine then, just walk this white line."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunк."
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You Know You're Out Of College When...
1. Your salary is less than your tuition.
2. Your potted plants stay alive.
3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.
4. You keep more food than вееr in the fridge.
5. You have to pay your own credit card bill.
6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.
7. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year.
8. 8:00a.m. is not early.
9. You have to file for your own taxes.
10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
11. You're not carded anymore.
12. You carry an umbrella.
13. You learn that "Bachelor" is a nicer term for a jаскаss.
14. "Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary, which is a little less than your allowance used to be.
15. "Twenty-something" means over-qualified, under-paid, and not married.
16. Your friends marry instead of hook-up, and divorce instead of break-up.
17. You start watching the weather channel.
18. Jeans and baseball caps aren't staples in your wardrobe.
19. You can no longer take shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack.
20. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
21. You stop confusing 401K plan with 10K run.
22. You go to parties that the police don't raid.
23. Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sеx in front of you.
24. You don't know what time Wendy's closes anymore.
25. Your car insurance goes down.
26. You refer to college students as kids.
27. You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of вееr, bourbon, and ruм.
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A policeman stops a motorist and asks, "Excuse me, Sir, have you been drinking?"
The motorist says, "Why - do I got an ugly girl next to me?"
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Q: How many mice does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
A: Two, if they're small enough.
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Върви си един човек и вижда двама педерасти еднакво облечени.
I saw two guys wearing matching clothing and I asked if they were gаy. They quickly arrested me.
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Police officer to a driver: “OK, driver’s license, vehicle license, first aid kit and warning triangle.”
Driver: “Nah, I’ve already got all that. But how much for that funny Captain’s cap?“
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- Ursäkta frun Un hombre va por la calle y le sale un tío que le pregunta: - Señor En mand spørger den ældre dame. “Hva så
“Excuse me, sir, have you seen a police officer around?”
“No, not a soul, actually.”
“Very good, now give me your wallet, watch and laptop!”
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Police: Do you know why we stopped you?
Man: No, I’m as baffled as you are!
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Police stops a man in his car.
Police: Sir, what’s in that bottle?
Man replies: Water.
Police: [sniffs] It smells like wine!
Man: Oh no, Jesus did it again!
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